Free The Suicide Diary by Kirsten Rees

mine and his scent would fill my lungs.
    We would sit and talk together, and he would tell me again about the promotion he was already angling for that would make him the youngest assistant manager in the company. It was easy for me to be attentive and doting when it was just the two of us, but in a group at a club or party I was becoming more and more nervous of doing something wrong and upsetting him.
     
    How could she not see what that manipulative bastard was doing to her? Alex knew guys who used girls and discarded them at their pleasure. However, Chris was just blatantly cruel; tormenting her mentally and physically and yet Nina still believed he cared for her. Alex was well aware that some people can hold a kind of power over others who are vulnerable to it and yet he wouldn't have imagined the Nina he had met standing for it.  Over the years she became a stronger person in spite of, or perhaps, he suddenly realised because of this.
     
    We were at a party in a familiar house, I recognised the furnishings and yet I had no recollection of ever meeting the owner. It could have been any one of the people that stood chatting around me in the living room. That was always the way, I just turned up on Chris's arm, tried to enjoy the evening without giving him any reason to get upset and left in time to get home for my curfew.
    When we had been there a few hours, I felt a pressing need to visit the little girl’s room. Chris was mid conversation with someone discussing a project from work and I didn't like to disturb him. I rushed up the stairs to the bathroom after telling him where I was going and unfastened my jeans as quickly as I could. I hurriedly splashed the scolding water over my soapy hands and dried them roughly. I'd be back at his side in mere minutes and hopefully he would still be smiling.
    At first, all I could feel was a warm sensation on my head, I ran my fingers over my hair and gasped as I recognised the dark liquid that they found there. It was this gasp of breath that then awoke me to the pain. I felt it almost everywhere, my face was stinging, my stomach and legs ached and I felt dazed. Suddenly I heard a muffled noise behind me and I struggled to turn in time to see a familiar face moving towards me.
    "Baby...baby" a gentle voice soothed.
    Of course, that was Chris, my boyfriend, I must have fallen again. I was lying awkwardly on an unfamiliar carpet. I'd been in the bathroom but the moments after that were just out of reach in my memory. For some reason there was no light on in the room, but I could make out the shadows of furniture outlined by the dim yellow glow of a street light shining through the window.
    "Baby, you...you fell, I tried to catch you", he stammered as he roughly pulled me up from the floor and onto the bed nearby. Every movement was agony and I bit my tongue to hide the pain, not wanting to distress him anymore. He looked so alarmed, staring at me urgently as if he could make the pain go away by sheer will alone. I looked down at the marks on the tops of my arms and let out a long, slow breath to calm myself.
    Another accident, I was so clumsy. I tried to adjust myself into a more comfortable position and winced in pain. A quilt cover shifted under my hands but I noticed it was already pretty dishevelled. I hoped whoever had made use of the bed had already left, I really didn't want an audience right now.
    "You know I’m sorry, don't you? I didn't want you to get hurt, I would never...." he trailed off.
    His eyes found mine and his voice became pleading. "I love you too much, I just wish you wouldn't show off so much and you know I can't stand it when you flirt like that, it just gets me so mad." said Chris.
    Flirting? When, with who? I tried to run through the events of the evening, but it was disjointed and blurry. I remembered sitting with a group of Chris's friends earlier, one of them had a guitar and they were singing some already forgotten tune. I should have known he