Free My Jim by Nancy Rawles Page A

on dandelion greens.
    He want me to take the ball and cook it on the fire. If he eat it he get the strength of ten mens.
    I aint cooking nothing tonight I says. Cant you see the children already asleep. What you think the smell of meat gonna do to them. Fore you know it Jonnie gonna be shouting bout his daddy home. And Banes gonna come over here with his whip. You hush now and lay down.
    I makes him a little pallet next to mine but I aint wants him to touch me. It might hurt too much. Weeks now I aint feels his touch. Cant stands to feel him for a night then not find him in the morning.
    He honor my wishes but I sees he sad. When he go to leave I holds onto him. I fears he aint coming back so I starts to cry. Jim say he better go fore they miss him at the camp meeting.
    He come three more times. Each time he bring us some meat. He blow on the children and wake them up right fore he leave. I opens to him again. I weak and I opens. He hold me like he carrying a seedling. I cries cause I knows I cant keeps him.
    For a long time I aint seen him. Every night I listens for his whistle. One night my soul heavy like the day he born. I sees his mama and my mama too. I thinks of his cord underneath that white oak. I sees my hand cutting his cord with my mamas knife. I hides my face.
    It raining heavy but I knows in my bones Jim coming to me. I sends the children to sleep with Emma. They dont needs to hear the things men and women do when they long for what they cant keep.
    Jim come to me with a five cent piece round his neck. Say he took it from some white boys to keep the devil at bay. Say the devil roaming all round Hannibal looking to snatch a nigger like him and sell him down the river. But that coin he tie round his neck gonna keep him tied to them boys in town. So he cant never be sold away from here.
    I needs you for my old age I says. Me and the children needs you.
    He aint going nowhere he tell me. You got something belong to somebody else they aint gonna let you go till they get it back. Thats why I gots this five cent piece round my neck.
    You got my heart belong to me I says.
    You aint never gonna lose me he say.
    You love that hat more than you love me I says. You sooner part with me than that hat.
    He laugh his good strong laugh. I scared one of Mas Stevens niggers might hear us. Then he kiss me and I aint thinking bout them.
    If you love me you leave me that hat.
    He look at me all serious. That hat aint nothing to me he say. He grab it and run out the door into the rain. Come back with it full up with water. Trying to hold it so he aint spill none but water spilling all over the clean dirt floor.
    Now I the one laughing. I aint asks you for no water I says.
    But you need some he say. Sitting up in here all hot and bother in front this fire like you aint got no time for your husband. He sure to be beat for coming to see you and you act like he a man free to come and go as he please.
    He pull me down to him. But the more he touch me the more I cries. After awhile he fall sleep. I stays awake watching the fire burn itself out.
    When the fire go out I gets up and feels for his hat. I all the way wakes him fore the bell sound and fore I light the morning fire. But this time I cant stands to think of him gone and me with nothing of his smell. I takes his hat and cuts a little piece off it with my knife. A three point piece.
    I gets the fire going again and lays back down. Fore I knows it the bell ringing. I wakes up in a fright. Jim still at my side.
    Banes waiting for him this time. He tie Jim hisself. Jim aint fight.
    Jonnie run out into the yard. He going straight for his daddy. I pulls him back and holds him close to me.
    What you niggers looking at Banes say. Go on to the fields fore I beats you all.
    I makes Lizbeth and Jonnie walk in front of me.
    Banes want to hurt him. Say they aint many stripes on Jims back. If you was my nigger I just as soon kill you he say. We hears the whip breaking but we keeps walking.
    We aint