Free When You Don't See Me by Timothy James Beck Page B

bad.”
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    â€œWhy are people always doing that to you?” Roberto asked later as we lay in the dark. Or what would have been the dark if there weren’t two or three cop cars at the entrance to the alley behind our building. Our room was bathed in flashing lights. If we’d had a disco ball, we could have danced the night away.
    â€œDoing what? Getting pissed off at me?”
    â€œConfiding in you.”
    â€œIt’s the way I look.”
    â€œLike you’ve got a face that says, ‘Free therapy’?”
    â€œMore like a body that says, ‘I can’t outrun your story of devastation and ruin.’ I should put on weight. Work out. Get muscles and look menacing. Like you. Nobody ever tells you hard-luck stories.”
    â€œExcept you,” Roberto said and giggled at himself. His giggle was endearing because it was so at odds with his virile appearance. “You didn’t have to get my bracelet fixed.”
    â€œI’m the one who stepped on it,” I said. “Martin rebuked me for wearing gold.”
    Roberto laughed again and said, “It’s my Guido bracelet.”
    The bars on the windows provided a shadowy contrast to the flashing blue and red lights. In Eau Claire, that kind of show would have lured the entire neighborhood out of their beds. People in robes and slippers would have gathered in groups until everyone knew every lurid detail. Now I couldn’t be bothered to get up and look out the window to see what carnage lay at the end of our alley.
    â€œYou know I can cover your part of the rent,” Roberto said.
    â€œI’ve got money for rent,” I assured him.
    What I couldn’t tell him was that I didn’t have the money to cover Kendra’s part of the rent, because she was short a few hundred dollars. I didn’t want him to think that I’d asked him to move in because he was my only financially solvent friend. Besides, Roberto’s extra money went to his mother to help feed and clothe his younger brothers.
    I heard him sigh, always the last thing he did before he fell asleep. One long sigh; then his breathing would deepen and keep the same rhythm for the rest of the night. He never snored. He never snorted himself awake. Sometimes when I couldn’t sleep, it pissed me off the way he could just drop off and stay that way until his alarm woke him. But mostly, it made me feel comfortable. Like a sleeping giant lay between me and whatever was out there.
    The drama in our alley finally played itself out, and the lights went away. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing the way Gavin had taught me. Gavin was not only the man who took care of Uncle Blaine’s household; he was a massage therapist who was big on the proper way to breathe. And on drinking water.
    I tried to remember if I’d drunk my mandatory eight glasses of water for the day. My throat felt dry. My skin itched. I held off as long as I could, but I finally got up to slink into the kitchen. I wasn’t afraid of waking Roberto, but I didn’t want to draw Kendra or Morgan out of their room.
    I drank a bottle of water, then made it back to my bed without having to deal with my roommates. A half hour later, still wide awake, I got up again to go to the bathroom. Kendra waylaid me in the miniscule hall.
    â€œDid you get the money from your friend?” she whispered. “Because if you didn’t, I’m totally screwed. I wrote a bad check today.”
    â€œI didn’t have a chance to ask him,” I said. Her face fell. “Don’t worry. I’ll think of something.”
    â€œNo, it’s not your problem. Maybe I can get my boss to loan me money.”
    According to Kendra, her slimy boss at Manhattan Cable was always making passes at her, so I didn’t think that was a good idea. “He’ll take it out of your paycheck. Then you’ll end up short the next time rent is due. Just give me another day,