Free The General and the Horse-Lord by Sarah Black

saying I kept her from having the chance to be loved by a ‘real’ man. That I used her to keep my military career. Maybe she’s right, I don’t know, John. I expect some mad-dog divorce lawyer will let me know soon enough. All I am sure about is that it’s all my fault. I had, what did you call it? A failure of courage. A failure of leadership.”
    “You were never one of those men climbing the ladder. You didn’t do it for a career. You wanted a family. Who doesn’t? Everybody wants a family, people to love, a home where you belong. Somebody waiting for you at the end of the day.
    “You were doing the work the country asked you to do. It was important. And they wouldn’t have let you do it if anyone had thought you were gay. Gabriel, do you remember what it was like? It’s easy to forget the way it used to be, the hazing, the violence. I’ve not forgotten. There was work that needed to be done, and you and I were the people who needed to do it. And I would have been kicked to the curb, and so would you have been, and so would the rest of the men and women who sucked it up and kept it under cover. Lived a quiet lie, so they could serve their country. It’s a new world, Gabriel, but this was never our world. It’ll be better for Kim. But don’t forget what it was like for us.”
    “You think it ever will be our world? Are we too old now to change? Let that warm sun of acceptance shine on our faces? I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”
    John felt helpless at the longing in his friend’s voice. “I don’t know. Maybe the good stuff doesn’t change. Maybe we could still go to Munich and eat the best sausage in the world.”
    That got him a smile. “I’ll pencil it in. I better go. I’ll call you in a couple of days, okay? When I hear back from El Presidente.”
    “Call me anytime. Don’t forget, we’re backup to a gay bar on Friday night. You don’t have to come with. But it would be more fun with you there. More fun for me, I mean. But don’t come if you think….”
    Gabriel was biting down on his lower lip, trying not to smile. John reached out and tugged him a little closer by his black suit coat, wondering how hard it would be to change. Just a little. Enough to kiss openly, out in the world, in the sunshine. It wasn’t hard at all, he discovered, and Gabriel smiled at him with tired eyes and kissed him back.
     
     
    G ABRIEL called Friday afternoon to report that President Wainright had blown them off for the weekend. The admin, Cecilia, said he’d been “in a mood” since their visit. He also reported he was coming with them to provide Kim’s backup.
    Kim was excited and a little nervous, John thought, more about introducing his uncles to his favorite watering hole than anything else. Did they still call them watering holes? John wasn’t sure, and he was not used to feeling so out of his element. This gay dance bar was not the Officer’s Club, that much he was sure of. Kim floated into his room to check on what he was wearing. John had been instructed not to shave that morning, so he would look extra tough, but he didn’t think Kim understood that whiskers coming in more gray than brown did not intimidate anyone. He’d shaved like usual.
    Kim held his arms out and showed off his new tee shirt. It was black with a gold foil Buddha on the front. “It’s the Compassionate Buddha,” Kim explained. Then he turned around so John could read the writing on the back: If you’re new in town, follow my GREENPEACE PETA PACIFIST BUTT into this bar!
    “It was too good a line, Uncle John. I couldn’t waste it.”
    “Out. I need to get dressed. And I need a little peace and quiet.”
    “So what are you wearing?”
    “Out.”
    Kim was back in five minutes, holding a small glass of tequila through a crack in the door. John took it without a word and closed the door. It was good, he thought, taking a sip. Patron Silver, with lime juice and soda water, with a curly twist of lime