Free The Fullness of Quiet by Natasha Orme

situation. I couldn’t say for definite whether I was scared of seeing him or simply still in love with him. I found that the sudden shock was more nerves than anything else. What would be said between us was the main question. Would either of us say anything at all? My mind began to wander and came back to the question: did anything need to be said?
    I let out a long steady breath and focused on my teacher. The world wasn’t ending. I didn’t need to worry.
    Charlie kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. She was so worried that I was going to suddenly go off the rails. I hadn’t really talked about Joshua much since he left. I guess that it was something she considered a tender spot for me and until that morning I’d never considered it but after my reaction to the news I realized it was the truth. I just didn’t want to admit it.
    We filed out of the building for break time and that was when I saw him. He was stood leaning against the wall signing to a group of lads stood with him. He hadn’t changed much. His hair looked longer, he was taller and he dressed differently but he was still the same person. I studied him for a while.
    His mannerisms were different. He slouched more, stood with his hands in his pockets when he wasn’t signing and it looked like he was chewing gum. I frowned slightly and we went to join Alex underneath one of the trees. It was getting really warm again and the only place in which we could enjoy the sunshine was in the shade of the trees.
    I sat down and glanced back over to where he was stood. He was looking at me. I didn’t know for how long he’d been watching me but he immediately looked away as if he hadn’t even been paying attention.
    I did my best to ignore him but for some reason he was always exactly where I didn’t want him to be. I was dreading what would happen at the end of the day. I still hadn’t made up my mind if I should speak to him but he made my decision for me.
    When school finished he chatted to his friends a bit more, said goodbye and then left. I was walking not far in front of him, but I knew he could see me. My heart was hammering in my chest. I stopped by Helen’s school and picked her up. He walked straight past me and didn’t even acknowledge me. I watched him walk away. His walk was different. Helen tugged on my hand and we made our way home.
    Everything continued like that for some time. He never once said ‘Hi’ to me or even noticed I was around. I couldn’t work out what bothered me more; his arrogance, or his stubbornness. I couldn’t have changed that much in a year. He hadn’t and I’d recognized him straight away. I couldn’t understand his reasoning.
    It got to a point when I would dread being near him. If we were ever placed in the same group for tasks he would just talk to me like any other person he didn’t converse with regularly. I didn’t encourage him to talk to me, I didn’t want to. I was so angry with him I couldn’t make up my mind what to do about it.
    Charlie just told me to ignore him. She said he obviously wasn’t worth it and Alex agreed with her but as much as I trusted them, I felt there was something deeper and more serious going on here.
    Like everything else that had happened in the past year, I just got on with it. I got used to the irritating feeling that he aroused in me and I learnt to ignore it. I got used to his obnoxious attitude towards me and I learnt to ignore it.
    There wasn’t really anything I could or wanted to do about it so I didn’t bother.

Chapter 13
    Helen had been poorly again. She was sent home from school once the following week and twice again the week after. Whenever I found her in bed, she was as pale as the sheets around her and dark circles sat under her eyes.
    I spoke to Daddy about it. He was really worried. We agreed that it was time we took her to see the doctor. Both me and Helen skipped school the next day and we were all sat anxiously waiting to be called into the