Free Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! by Pj Jones

his hand as rat Heather crawled into his palm. He then picked up her long wand and slid it into his pants pocket. “Heather would have wanted me to continue.” He smiled affectionately at the rodent while patting her furry head. “We need to find where Douchebagga hid the potion.”
    “Fat chance, dickwads.”
    Startled, Barth nearly dropped Heather as he spun around.
    “The Artist Formerly Known as The Prince!”
    Barth eyed the spoiled prince with derision. The Prince was hovering on the wizard’s broom, holding a golden snitch in one hand and the wizard’s vial of potion in the other. What did a golden snitch have to do with this story? Who knows? But since he’s a teenager riding a magical broom, it only makes sense that he probably just returned from a Quiddich tournament.
    “That’s right.” The teen eyed the snitch and scrunched his brow before he tossed the squealing object across the room. “And I’ve got your precious potion.”
    “What?” Barth gasped. “How did you get it?”
    The teen laughed aloud. “Who do you think gave it to Douchebagga in the first place?”
    “Why?” Barth and Drag asked in unison.
    “Isn’t it obvious?” He rolled his eyes. “After the two of you refused to include me in your crusade, I decided to turn evil.”
    “You turned evil over that?” Barth scratched his head while sharing a puzzled look with Drag. “I’ve never understood villains.”
    “Yeah,” Drag snickered. “I just don’t think that was motivation enough to turn evil.”
    The prince’s lower lip trembled. “You also made fun of my penises.”
    “I’m not even going to touch that one,” Drag said wryly.
    “So what?” Barth said. “Look at how many years the people have made fun of me and Drag. We’ve got way more motivation to turn evil than you.”
    The teen pouted. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be me.”
    “Oh, no.” Drag rolled his eyes. “Here we go with the misunderstood teenager bullshit.”
    “My father cares more for his precious gold than his own son,” the teen spat.
    Drag groaned. “Cry me a river.”
    “It’s not easy being rich and alone,” the prince cried out.
    Barth blew out an exasperated breath. “Boo hoo.”
    The teen’s eyes clouded over as he looked lost in reflective thought, or else, he was preparing to recite a really long monologue. “If it hadn’t been for all those slumber parties I had in the wizard’s bedchamber, where we’d watch porn movies and I’d massage the wizard’s thighs with cinnamon scented oil, I would have grown up with no one to love me.”
    “Okay, TMI, Penis Prince.” Drag covered his ears with his paws. “TMI!”
    The teen’s face turned ten shades of red. “One day you will all regret the way you treated me, but it will be too late. The world will be overrun by zombies and I will be the only one with the life-saving potion.”
    Barth heaved a sigh. “If everyone else is a zombie, that makes you the only viable food source. I think you need to think this plan through first.”
    “I’m a teenager.” The teen shrugged. “I don’t need to think about plans when I’ve got to deal with raging hormones. Farewell, jerkoffs.” He spun around on his broom and flew out a nearby window, heading in the direction of Swans Lake.
    Barth’s heart plummeted as he watched the boy fly off with the life-saving potion. How would he save the kingdom now?
    Beside him, Drag stared slack-jawed at the retreating prince. “We should go after him.”
    Barth held up a hand. “First, we leave Heather in the wizard’s care, then we go after the prince.”
    “Wouldn’t it make sense to try and catch the prince?” Drag asked. “I’m much bigger and faster and could probably overtake him.”
    Barth shook his head as he looked down at the rodent in his hand. He’d already endangered Heather’s life enough by asking her to help free Drag. “I don’t want to put Heather in any more danger. Besides, this story is only