Free Jaylin's World by Brenda Hampton

possibly couldn’t have any more babies, and did I have to remind him that I’d fallen down the steps because of the tape I’d seen a few years into our marriage with Scorpio seducing him? I kept my cool, but his words hurt like hell. It was as if he was blaming me, and I wasn’t feeling that at all.
    â€œWe just have to keep trying,” I said. “That’s all we can do. You don’t mind if we have to keep trying, do you?”
    He kept sucking my breasts, ignoring me. When I lifted his head to stop him, I saw something peculiar in his eyes, which meant trouble. The disturbing look shocked me, and I did not know my not getting pregnant was troubling Jaylin so much. Talk about a mood spoiler, this was it.
    â€œWhy didn’t you say anything to me about how you were feeling?” I asked, letting out a deep sigh. “I thought you were okay and you know how difficult this-”
    Jaylin reached over and held the sides of my face; he sucked my lips into his. “I know, baby, and I am so, so sorry for coming at you like that. Sometimes I get to thinking about another child, and we don’t really know if or when it will happen. I’m hopeful, though, so no worries.”
    I rubbed my fingers through the curls in his hair. “I’m hopeful too. But please don’t hide your feelings from me. You haven’t said anything about a baby in a while, and that look in your eyes scares me.”
    â€œI’m okay. As long as I got you with me, I’m fine. You’re my strength, Nokea, and I could never make it through life without you.”
    â€œSame here. I can promise you this.... You’ll never be without me.”
    â€œYou promise,” he repeated.
    â€œNever,” I assured.
    For whatever reason, that night, our lovemaking session felt different. I mean, Jaylin was always so into making love to me, but his strokes were not on point, like they had been. He stopped several times, just to talk to me.
    â€œI love you, love you, love you,” he said, tickling me to change the mood. “You know I’ve been the best husband I could possibly be, right? And I apologize for getting at you like that about a baby.”
    â€œApology accepted, and I know you’re the best, Jaylin,” I said, feeling so unsure about where all of this was coming from, afraid to dig deeper.
    â€œI hope so, because I would never let you go in a million years. We have the best connection ever, and you were definitely made for me.”
    He held me tightly in his arms, and after an odd situation, he made passionate love to me throughout the night. I was a bit unsure about the whole thing. Why was he saying all of those things to me, and did they, indeed, mean anything?
    Like any wife who knew her husband well, and could feel it in her gut that something wasn’t right, I started to pay more attention to Jaylin. He had been spending more time with Jaylene and LJ. Whenever he went to the office, he started taking LJ with him. He didn’t seem to mind if Jaylene wanted to sleep with us at night. As a matter of fact, for the past two nights, he’d slept in her room with her. He had been taking more business calls than usual, and there were several times that he walked into another room to take a call. I saw him looking spacey a few times; sometimes when I called his name, it was as if he didn’t even hear me. Then there were our intimate moments. Ever since the other night, Jaylin hadn’t pursued sex with me again.
    Now, only four days had passed by, but he always used to be saying something revolving around sex, every single day. He barely laid a kiss on me since that night, and if he did, I initiated it. Yesterday evening, I saw him outside on the hammock, staring off into the sky, looking as if something heavy was on his mind.
    During dinner he was known for cracking jokes and keeping everyone at the table laughing. Lately he hadn’t said much at all.