Free Silent Witness by Lindsay McKenna

so dirty even the hogs won’t associate with me. What a land-mine situation we’re in.”
    Ellen folded her hands in her lap and said, “Do all officers have this level of paranoia about their careers or is this investigation unique?”
    His mouth curved. “You’d better believe it. We live from one Fitness Report heaven or hell to the next, Ellen. Unlike you civilians, we survive in a cloistered environment where everyone knows everyone else. Fitreps are put out twice a year, and they can make or break your career. You’re either in or you’re out. Several bad fitness reports in a row and your dreams and goals are shattered. The handwriting’s on the wall—you won’t make the next rank, so resign your commission and get out. I like my job too much not to take this Kane situation seriously.”
    â€œI came across this same anxiety when I was doing my Project Demonstrating Excellence or P.D.E. on the Fortress,” Ellen said. “The families in the service lived in as much fear as the father or mother did. Usually, the military member was the man. So I can relate to a degree with your concerns.”
    â€œIt’s not a very comforting situation,” Cochrane agreed unhappily. Still, he felt good. Hell, if he had to choose a word to describe how he felt around Ellen, it was happy. An emotion he hadn’t savored in two solid years.
    â€œSo what made you join the Navy, with such stress built into it?”
    Cochrane sat up and placed his hands on his desk. Ellen’s smile was kind and sincere, and he absorbed it hungrily. “I have a lot of pride in the Navy. It means something to me, in spite of its warts.”
    â€œWhat’s to stop you from practicing law as a civilian?”
    Shrugging, Jim said, “Nothing, I suppose. A company outside the military has all the problems that we do, but in the Navy it’s…Hell’s bells, I don’t have all the answers.” That soft smile was a trap, he realized. “See how easily you shrinks slip into your analyzing mode? Don’t try and make a patient out of me.” So what did he want her to be to him? Jim shifted uncomfortably, refusing to answer that question. At least, right now.
    â€œI don’t view you as my patient.” Ellen opened her hands. “The way I see it, you’re highly regarded around here, Jim.”
    He angled a glance at her. “Well, like the old Missouri saying goes, when you’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wheel rut, there ain’t no place to go but up. This Kane case puts me dead in the gun sights of a certain group of jet jocks who could one day be over me in rank. And if I piss them off, they can get even at that time.”
    She laughed. “At least you’ve got a sense of humor. That’s healthy.”
    He nodded. That sunny smile of hers went straight to his heart, wrapped around it, and his pulse took off like a freight train going downhill. “What about you? What’s this gig going to earn for you when it’s all over?” Ellen’s smile slipped and he saw darkness come to her eyes. “Is this a year in hell for you? Or heaven personified?” Jim tried to keep his voice light and teasing, though his heart felt a twinge. Damn. He saw pain in her eyes.
    Ellen tried to keep her voice even. “I really don’t know yet. I looked forward to this change.”
    â€œWhat do you want out of it?” Jim pressed. There was confusion in Ellen’s readable face. And she was blushing. He’d known a lot of weasels in his time, but she was artless. Having her around made him feel cleaner about the whole mess that had been piled on him, and he had no idea why.
    â€œI want to know I did a good job.” That was the truth, Ellen decided. There were lots of other responses she could give, but she didn’t know if she could trust Jim with such personal details yet.
    Cochrane shook his head.