Free Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

she breaks up with him, we can't start dating each other. This would kill Colin and probably my career. I know that the painting is still important to her and I want to help her, but my own desires have to be put aside.
    Arwen is quiet for the rest of the evening and Colin keeps talking about his university course, his mother, and the places where he would like to take Arwen. I’m so relieved when they leave, trying to digest this evening and my own feelings. I’m pissed off, angry with myself. How could I think that a girl like her would be interested in me?
    I haven't had sex for over a year and my last relationship was a total failure. Nadia was great, we had fun together, but it didn’t last. When I told her about my idea of quitting my job, she said that I was crazy, that it was a mistake. She didn't get that I was unhappy.
    I clean the plates and put them into the dishwasher. Colin seems so happy and I know that he will be devastated when she ends whatever it is between them. I'm probably making a big mistake meeting her later, but we both have to clear the air, behave like two adults.
    I sort the kitchen and then jump into a cold shower, trying to deal with the mounting feelings   that are splitting my head in two.
    At seven I’m sitting on my bed wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Exhaustion hits me all of a sudden and I know that tomorrow will be a new day, but will I be ready to face it? In the end I change into some casual clothes and drive to her place. Colin can be persistent and I need to be very careful. I park a distance away and sit there wondering how old I am. This feels like I'm back in high school, sneaking from my mother’s balcony to a party.
    Colin hasn't got a car. He could still be upstairs. Arwen is confused, but after a successful evening like that, Colin would probably want to stay over. I can't get my head around the fact that my son is making love to a woman that I desire.
    When eight o'clock passes, I see Arwen outside. She is alone, looking out for my car. I stare at her for several minutes. She can't see me and I don't want to make this any harder than it already is.
    She looks so lost and worried. After some time, I can't take it anymore and I switch on the engine and drive towards her. Her face brightens when she sees me. I unlock the door and when she gets in I feel like I can't breathe again. Her scent invigorates me, excites me.
    I kill the engine and for about five minutes neither of us says anything. Arwen is not even looking at me. My own mind is going through other scenarios.
    "Ethan, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I had no idea that we were going to have dinner with you. Colin surprised me.”
    I then do something that I shouldn’t. My hand reaches out for hers and the touch is automatically comforting.
    "Don't apologise. I'm partly to blame. I should have asked. After all, you're twenty years younger than me."
    "I don't have any feelings for him and we have only been dating for a month. When he approached me all those weeks ago, I thought that he just wanted to be friends."
    Obviously he was persistent.
    "But you aren't just friends, Arwen. He introduced you as his girlfriend," I point out and automatically want to take it back. She squeezes my hand.
    "Yeah, one thing led to another and we started going out, but it was never serious. I haven't slept with him or anything. Then I met you and I was planning to end it with him. Believe me."
    "I believe you, but that doesn't change anything. Colin is my son and he cares for you. We can still stay in touch, but only as friends, Arwen. That’s all there can ever be between us.”
    "I understand that now there can't be anything between us. But I'm still going to talk to Colin tomorrow and tell him that I just want to be friends," she insists, moving too close to me. Her scent is overwhelming, and my heart is racing away. What is it with this girl that she gets me all worked up? I’m not thinking straight.
    "I see the way he