Free Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth by Barbara Park Page B

got the dangerous floss right out of there!

    Room Nine clapped and clapped.
    Dr. Smiley did a bow.
    Then Mrs. said that maybe some of us might like to dress up like dentists or police officers on Job Day.
    “Yeah, only what if you don’t like drunk guys or bloody teeth?” I asked.
    Mrs. rolled her eyes way up at the ceiling. Then she walked Officer Mike and Dr. Smiley out into the hall.
    That’s when Room Nine started buzzing very loud.
    Buzzing is what you do when your teacher leaves the room.
    “I’m going to dress up like an actress on Job Day,” said a girl named Emily.
    “I’m going to dress up like a princess,” said my bestest friend Lucille that I hate.
    I did a giggle. “I’m going to dress up like a bullfighter!” I said.
    Then I ran speedy fast around the room. And I butted that mean Jim in the stomach with my head.
    And guess what?
    I didn’t even get caught!
    That’s what!

3 / Me and My Big Fat Mouth
    After school was over, me and my bestest friend named Grace walked to the bus together.
    Except for that Grace kept on wanting to skip. And I didn’t.
    “How come you don’t want to skip?” she said. “Me and you always skip to the bus.”
    “I know, Grace,” I said. “But today I’ve got a very big problem inside my head. Andit’s called I still don’t know what job I want to be when I grow up.”
    “I do,” said that Grace. “I’m going to be Mickey Mouse at Disneyland.”
    I did a big sigh at her. “Yeah, only too bad for you, Grace,” I said. “’Cause there’s only one real alive Mickey Mouse. And you’re not him.”
    That Grace laughed very hard.
    “Mickey isn’t
real
, silly. He’s just a mouse suit with a guy inside,” she said.
    And so just then I felt very sickish inside of my stomach.
    ’Cause I didn’t know Mickey was a suit, that’s why.
    “What did you have to tell me that for, Grace?” I said real upset. “Now I feel very depressed.”
    Then I hurried up on the bus. And I scooted way over by the window.

    Except I couldn’t get any peace and quiet. ’Cause everybody kept on talking about dumb old Job Day.
    “I’m going to be a famous singer,” said a girl named Rose.
    “I’m going to be a famous baton twirler,” said another girl named Lynnie.
    Then a girl named Charlotte said she was going to be a famous painter. “Famous painters are called artists,” she explained. “And artists are very rich.”
    After that I felt a little bit cheerier. ’Cause guess what? Grandma Miller says I paint beautifully, that’s what.
    “Hey. Maybe I’ll be a famous painter too,” I said.
    “I’m gonna be a prison guard,” said a boy named Roger. “My uncle Roy is a prison guard. And he gets to carry the keys for the whole entire prison.”
    Then my mouth did a smile. ’Cause one time my dad gave me the key to the frontdoor. And I unlocked it all by myself. And I didn’t even need any help!
    “Hey. Maybe I might carry keys too, Roger,” I said. “’Cause I know how to use those things very good.”
    Just then William raised his hand very bashful. “I’m going to be a superhero and save people from danger,” he said.
    And so then I jumped right out of my seat! ’Cause that was the bestest idea of all!
    “Me too, William!” I hollered. “’Cause that sounds very exciting, I think. And so I’m going to save people from danger too!”
    Then that mean Jim jumped up at me. “Copycat! Copycat! You’re just copying everybody else. And anyway, you can’t be three jobs! You can only be one!”
    I made a growly face at him.
    “I
am
just being one job!” I said veryangry. “It’s a special kind of job where you paint and you unlock stuff and you save people! So there! Ha-ha on you!”
    That Jim made a cuckoo sign at me.
    “Goonie,” he said. “Goonie B. Jones. There’s no such job like that in the whole entire universe!”

    “YES, THERE IS! THERE IS TOO,YOU BIG FAT JIM!” I yelled. “AND IT’S THE BESTEST JOB IN THE WHOLE WIDE