Free Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth by Barbara Park

1 / Punishment
    My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.
    I go to kindergarten. My room is named Room Nine. There are lots of rules in that place.
    Like no shouting.
    And no running in the hall.
    And no butting the other children in the stomach with your head.
    My teacher’s name is Mrs.
    She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.
    Last week Mrs. clapped her loud hands together. Then she made a ’nouncement to us.
    A ’
nouncement
is the school word for telling us something very important.
    “Boys and girls. May I have your attention, please?” she said. “Today is going to be a special day in Room Nine. We’re going to be talking about different careers you can have when you grow up.”
    “Yeah, only guess what?” I said. “I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won’t know what the heck we’re talking about.”
    Mrs. made squinty eyes at me. “A careeris a
job
, Junie B.,” she said. “And please raise your hand before you speak.”
    Then Mrs. talked some more about careers. And she said Monday was going to be called Job Day. And everybody in Room Nine would come to school dressed up like what kind of job they wanted to be.
    After that, Room Nine was very excited. Except for not me. ’Cause I had a big problem, that’s why.
    “Yeah, only guess what?” I said. “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. And so that means I can’t come to school on Monday. And now I’ll probably flunk kindergarten.”
    “Hurray!” shouted a mean boy named Jim.
    I made a fist at him. “How’d you like aknuckle sandwich, you big fat Jim?” I shouted right back.
    Mrs. came over to my table. She bended down next to me.
    “
Please
, Junie B. You simply must try to control yourself better in class. We’ve talked about this before, remember?”
    “Yes,” I said nicely. “Only I hate that dumb guy.”
    Just then my bestest friend Lucille—who sits next to me—stood up and fluffed her ruffly dress.
    “I always control myself, don’t I, Teacher?” she said. “That’s because my nanna taught me to act like a little lady. And so Junie B. Jones should act more like me.”

    I made a growly face at her. “I
do
act like a little lady, you dumb bunny Lucille! Anddon’t say that again, or I’ll knock you on your can.”
    Mrs. did a frown at me.
    “Just kidding,” I said very quick.
    Except for Mrs. kept on frowning. And then she gave me punishment.
    Punishment
is the school word for sitting at a big table all by yourself.
    And everybody keeps on staring at you.
    And it makes you feel like P.U.
    That’s how come I put my head down on the table. And I covered it up with my arms.
    ’Cause punishment takes the friendly right out of you.
    And so at recess I didn’t speak to Lucille. And I didn’t speak to my other bestest friend named Grace, either.
    I just sat down in the grass all by myself.
    And I watched Janitor paint the litter cans.
    And I played with a stick and an ant and that’s all.
    “I hate Room Nine,” I said very grumpity.
    Except for just then I saw something very wonderful in the grass! And its name was two cherry Life Savers!
    “Hey! I love those guys!” I said.
    Then I quick picked one up. And I blowed off the germs. And I put it right in my mouth.
    “WAIT! DON’T DO THAT!” shouted a loud voice at me. “SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!”
    I turned my head.

    It was Janitor! He was running at me speedy quick. His jingly keys were jangling allover the place.
    “SPIT THAT OUT, I SAID!” he yelled again.

    And so then I spit the cherry Life Saver on the ground. ’Cause the guy was scaring me, that’s why.
    Janitor bended down next to me.
    “I didn’t mean to frighten you, sis,” he said. “But I spotted a bunch of dirty candy in the grass. And I was going to clean it up when I finished painting.”
    He looked serious at me. “Don’t you ever eat anything you find