Free The Girlfriend (Single Wide Female in Love, Book 2) by Lillianna Blake, P. Seymour Page A

real progress on my book.
    I would wake up and refuse to think about marriage or the future. In fact, I would spend as little time as possible with him. I would focus on my writing and on getting my diet and exercise plan back on track. I had a future, even if Max wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in it. I still had to prepare for it.  

    When I woke up the next morning I felt the weight of my thoughts the night before. It was hard to believe that I’d let myself spiral so fast. I’d gone from being self-aware and self-confident to drowning in my insecurities.
    I sent Max a text.  

    I’m going to be working as much as possible. Love you.  

    Then I turned my phone off. I was not going to let anything distract me.
    I spent the next half hour going through withdrawal. I was used to having constant contact with Max. If I wondered about him and his day, I could just text him. If I wanted to go out for lunch, I could give him a call to see if he wanted to join me. But with my phone off, I felt very disconnected.
    Still, I resisted turning it on.
    I focused on the book I was working on. I couldn’t expect to be an inspiration to women if I was sitting around waiting for a man to propose to me. The very thought made my stomach churn. I had really gotten off my path of healthy self-esteem.
    As I began to type, all of the things I’d learned over the past year came back to me. I had to remain in my peace, I had to stay focused in the present. If that meant limiting my time with Max until I could get over the hurt of the proposal that never happened, then that was what I would have to do.
    I felt uneasy as I wrote about relationships in the book. I was beginning to wonder if relationships were ever something I could master. I remembered what the man at the club had said to me. I had gotten too used to being alone. Would I ever be able to open my heart?
    I tried to distract myself by eating at home and not leaving my apartment. I didn’t want to be tempted to call Max.
    It was nearly evening when I got an e-mail. I was a little startled, as it was from the address that Max had used when he pretended to be Blue.  

    Hello? Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you all day.  

    It was nice that he’d noticed that I was missing, but I wasn’t sure that I wanted to give in and turn my phone on just yet.  

    Sorry, been busy with work. Writing is my career, you know.  

    I didn’t really think about how annoyed that sounded until after I sent the e-mail. Max responded a few seconds later.  

    Yes, I know. I’m sorry for interrupting. Let me know when you come up for air. Love you.  

    My fingers hovered over the keyboard as I thought about what I wanted to send back to him. There were a million things that I wanted to say, but I knew that they would start a conversation, I knew I would get pulled back into my insecurities. I just needed a breather from the chaos that was my love for Max.  

    Love you too.  

    I sent the e-mail knowing that Max would be a little put off by how short and vague it was. But for once I didn’t obsess about it.
    It struck me that I needed to find Samantha—not Sammy, who was in love with Max—but Samantha, the woman, the writer, the bucket list Olympian.
    I needed to feel one hundred percent whole again.

Chapter 20

    Instead of just tuning back into my writing, I decided to tune back into my go-to inspirational websites. There were a few blogs that I’d been following the past year for the uplifting messages I found there. Of course I had a large collection of inspiring memes too. I needed to be reminded of how far I’d come along my journey.
    I felt the strange sensation of getting lighter. Even though I knew realistically that I hadn’t lost any weight, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off me.
    By the end of the day, I felt more secure than ever. I turned my phone back on. I found that I had a dozen texts from Stephanie. I had half that amount from Max. I was tempted to call