Free Alicia by Laura Matthews Page A

her mother. It was unthinkable! It was no less unthinkable to visualize a man with herself. Her body was private, a special thing of her own. There was no man she would think of allowing to touch it!
    But children were born every day. Then every day men were touching women. Men like Mr. Tackar with his insolent gaze resting on her mother’s fully clothed body. Felicia’s skin crawled at the thought of such a man touching her body. Even Mr. Harper, the landlord, pleasant as he was; it would be disgusting. She found, though, that if she wove a cozy fantasy about the young man she had passed in the street on her way back to the inn that she could almost imagine it. Not quite, of course, but almost. Someone you cared about, and who knew your dreams and you knew theirs. Almost then she could picture allowing him to touch her breasts, with her clothes on, of course. She saw herself in a sunny dale, lying amidst the violets...
    “Felicia, are you all right?”Her mother’s voice came through the door.
    “Yes, Mama,”Felicia answered absently.
    “You might let me in then,”Alicia suggested with some asperity.
    Felicia sprang to the door and unbarred it hurriedly. Her face was stained with a ridiculous blush, and her mother surveyed her anxiously as she entered the room. “Are you sure you are feeling quite the thing?”
    “Oh, yes, Mama. I …I was just sitting thinking.”
    “Are you ready for something to eat?”
    “Yes. Well, no, not just yet, Mama. I …I should like to talk to you for a moment.”
    Alicia seated herself with relief and drew off her gloves. She waited patiently for Felicia to speak, but the girl merely studied the closed door. “Has something happened? You did not see Mr. Tackar, did you?”
    “No, no. Mrs. Harper says he has left. I felt relieved.”
    Alicia sighed. “Yes, that is good news. Now it seems so silly to have burdened you with my problems.”
    “You had to, Mama. I had to know.”Felicia stopped speaking again and tried to meet her mother’s eyes but could not. She unwrapped her parcel and gently stroked the material.
    “Something is the matter. Can you not tell me?”Alicia asked softly.
    “I...thought about what you explained to me last night.”
    “About men and women? Did that distress you?”
    “It was strange to think of, but it interested me,”Felicia admitted.
    “I see.”
    “Well, when I left the shop this morning it was so beautiful and I felt very happy. And then I thought about it some more.”
    “And...”
    “When I got here I barred the door,”Felicia said with a heightening of her blush, “and I took off my clothes in front of the glass, and I...touched myself.”
    Alicia regarded the bent head affectionately, a tiny smile on her lips. “And did you feel anything?”
    “Everything,”Felicia responded simply.
    Alicia gave a gurgle of laughter and her daughter raised surprised eyes to her face. “Had you never done so before?”
    “Oh, no. I had never thought to do so,”Felicia answered, eyeing her mother warily.
    “Obviously I have been remiss in your education,”her mother replied, unable now to contain her mirth.
    “But, Mama, is it not wrong?”Felicia asked incredulously.
    “So they say,”Alicia admitted between gulps of laughter, “but I have always found it immensely comforting.”
    Felicia ran to her mother and hugged her as the two women enjoyed their laughter, Felicia’s of relief, her mother’s of genuine amusement. Eventually Felicia drew a little away, a frown gathered on her forehead. “And does that not happen with a man?”
    “It should, I suppose,”Alicia admitted. “But I have not experienced it. Perhaps you will. Perhaps you will have a kind husband who will be gentle and understanding. Certainly I hope you will have a fond regard for him, and that should make you at ease. But you see, my dear, we are all reared to think of our bodies as very private, to be hidden and ignored. I remember not understanding what my mother was