Free This May Sound Crazy by Abigail Breslin Page A

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15
WHY I LOVE UNREQUITED LOVE

    Let’s flash back to Abba Brez at age fourteen. Lonely. Bored. Not a huge social life. Newly blonde hair that still has streaks of red velvet cupcake–colored strands. Listens to Regina Spektor alone in her room while painting her nails dark blue.
    WHAT.
A.
CATCH.
    When I was fourteen, I believed there was no such thing as love. I thought, Guys say they love girls because they want sex and Girls say they love guys because they’re insecure .
    I was a very opinionated fourteen-year-old.
    I was also quite wrong.
    I didn’t believe I would ever find anyone who could capture my interest enough to make me feel this so-called “magical” feeling. What even was love? Was it even a real emotion?
    I had just booked this cool movie and decided to go to dinner with the cast. It was uptown: Sixty-Third and Columbus to be exact. (Yes, I still remember. . . .)
    I remember spending a lot of time on my eye makeup because I wanted to seem mature. I showered and used a really expensive body wash from Lush and then put on a Dior eye shadow that I’d gotten for Christmas. It was dark brown and made me feel sophisticated. I wore my favorite jeans, a Free People tank top, and a long cardigan. (It’s weird how well I remember this.) Anyway, I told my mom and she told me that my friend and I (let’scall her Gwen) couldn’t go alone. So my mom and her mom sat at another table. (I KNOW, I WAS MORTIFIED.) Gwen and I got there and met the guys. Let’s call them Oliver and Dan. Oliver was muscular and beachy with long blond hair and model-esque features. Dan was tall, lanky, and awkward. And as soon as Dan shook my hand . . .
I fell in love.
HARD.
    I had never felt that type of feeling before. This all-consuming, all-encompassing warmth all over my body. Everything he said was hysterical to me. Every time he looked at me, my heart rate would LITERALLY speed up. Every single time I thought about him, I’d smile. What was this? How was this real?
    As the night came to a close, Dan gave mehis number and told me how excited he was to start filming. I’d never felt like this. I’d never been this anxious to be on any set.
    The next morning when he texted me, I thought I could be happy just staring at his name on my phone forever. I didn’t even need to read the text. I had turned into one of THOSE girls that hasthat look on her face all the time.
    But, even tho I felt so strongly for him, I never wanted to let on. Anytime anyone asked me I’d say, “No way! We are just friends.” Which was true. We were. TO MY INFINITE SADNESS.
    I didn’t want to risk anyone telling him and making things awkward, because I liked him so much. I didn’t want anything to jeopardize us talking.
    As we worked together, I really felt like he liked me. He always said how great my hairwas. Which was weird, but also nice, I guess? Idk? And he always said I looked beautiful. It was more attention than any other guy had ever given me.
    Let’s be real. I was an awkward, pale, alarmingly small girl (as I still am). Not many guys are lined up around the block for that. But he made me feel like, they SHOULD BE. He made me proud of my awkwardness.
    One night, me, Gwen, Oliver, and Dan all went to Gwen’s house. We ordered pizza and sat on her bedroom floor talking about life and exes. I had no experience in relationships so I just made shit up. DUH. He, on the other hand, talked about his ex like she was the sun and the stars. It made me melt for him even more. The way he said he’d do anything for her made me feel like he was a genuine catch.
    I never felt more obsessed with a human’ssoul before. I really liked HIM. And not for his looks or his career but just because he was so fun to be around. He was funny and witty as hell. And sweet and caring and adorable.
Then.
The nightmare began.
    I came to work the next day, completely high off of his