Free This May Sound Crazy by Abigail Breslin Page B

compliments and the texts he would send me. Even if all he said was hi, the fact that his name showed up on my phone threw me into euphoria.
    I walked on set, saw him, and said hi.
    He gave me a huge hug and told me I looked beautiful. After I said thank you, he moved aside to reveal this gorgeous, brunette, Brazilian model. Let’s call her Amber. I said hi and Dan said, “This is my girlfriend, Amber.”
    GIRL-
FRIEND?!
WHAT!
    My heart fell all the way past my feet and to the underground where Satan himself stabbed it over and over.
    With a knot in my throat I just couldn’t swallow, I tried to smile.
    â€œNice to meet you!” I exclaimed.
    â€œI’ve heard so much about you!” I said, although I’d heard nothing of her.
    Was this how Dan was to everyone? Did we ever have a special connection? Or was he just that intensely interested in every girl?
    And AMBER?! How did he just not mention he had a gorgeous Brazilian model for a girlfriend?!?
    As soon as the polite introductions were through, I headed back to my dressing room. Gwen followed me there, but I locked myself in the bathroom to sob. I didn’t want her to know how sad I was.
    Eventually stopped crying. I understood why he wanted Amber. She was flawless. I just thought I meant something to him, for some reason.
    I spent the next year pining after him.
    Praying he would realize what he was missing and would fall in love with me. When he broke up with Amber, I even fought over him with another friend. Until I realized . . .
    He didn’t want either of us.
    That was the hardest pill to swallow.
    Sometimes, you think you have this great connection with someone. And sometimes (maybe even most of the time) you’re right.
    But sometimes that connection is one-sided.
    That’s what we call unrequited love.
    And it sucks. It’s agony.
    Unrequited love makes you
feel like your heart has been
ripped out, chopped
up, and fed to a dog.
    But here’s the weird thing: It’s also worthwhile.
    When you’re in the throes of unrequited love, it seems impossible to EVER move on. How could you want someone else the way you want them?
    But in some ways these are the kindest loves. You have nothing to lose. The relationship can be anything you can imagine. No one’s heart will really be broken because it’s not really real. Well, okay, that’s not entirely true. If you really liked someone, that’s a feeling. You felt that. And no one can take it away from you. Whether you’re actually dating that person or just admiring from a distance, it is a kind of love. I remember thinking how unfair it was to hang out with him, knowing I couldn’t have him. I remember crying all night listening to “The Chain” by Ingrid Michaelson and flipping through pictures of him on Facebook at Amber’s birthday party. It was HELL. DON’T DO THAT YOURSELF.REREAD “CHAPTER 1: REASONS TO NOT STALK YOUR EX” IF YOU DOUBT ME FOR EVEN A MINUTE.
    After Dan, I literally thought I’d never love again. But that was so so so NOT true.
    The love I felt for Dan was a totally different kind of love. In some ways I think love is like snowflakes—casually working in a winter/Christmas reference HOLLA—each one is different and each one FEELS different when it falls on you. But every snowflake—no matter how fast it falls or where it lands or how it tastes on your tongue—is still a snowflake, just like every love—no matter who it’s with or if it’s unrequited—is still love. That’s why love is so exciting and impossible to resist.
    With Dan it was the highest highs and the lowest lows. I loved every moment I spent with him, and hated every moment I wasn’t around him. That kind of love isn’t healthy.
    It’s one-sided and ultimately it’s kind of empty. In time, that’s what I learned. That kind of love doesn’t work for me. Honestly, unrequited love