Free Finding Me by Dawn Brazil

wondered if she was Chris’s girlfriend. Him possibly having a girlfriend made me more depressed and confused. How could I be so attracted to him? I barely know him. Actually I don’t know him at all.
    How I felt for Chris left me ashamed, as if I were betraying Zack. That was hilarious. If he’d been alive, we wouldn’t be a couple anyway. Not after I caught him with Casey. He’d given me my way out of the relationship. The fact that he was dead did not change the truth. When he died, he was no longer my pretend boyfriend.
    Therefore, I reasoned, I could date anyone I wanted. Chris seemed like the perfect guy to fill the spot. That’s if he didn’t have a girlfriend. And that would be a miracle because he was so freaking hot. And of course, if Mother and Father approved, which would be the greatest miracle of all.
    If I were brave and didn’t care what anyone thought, I would tell Chris how I felt. But I couldn’t do something just for my own benefit. I had to think of how my actions affected others. I was nothing if not responsible. Chris elicited a giddy childish reaction from me; it wasn’t like me. It was happiness, I guess. Happiness was overrated, though. My parents dictated what happiness was for me. At least they would until I moved out on my own. So confessing my feelings wasn’t an option. Not for a while at least.
    My eyelids grew heavy and sleep overtook me – without incident this time.
    Rough hands shook me awake. I wiped my eyes and tried to focus on who was talking and what they were saying.
    “Chloe, get up! Go to your own room, weirdo.” It was Matt. He hovered over me with malice in his eyes and his fist balled up at his side.
    “Oh, okay. Thanks for letting me stay.” I stumbled to the door, still half asleep.
    “Yeah, whatever.” He backed away from me as if I smelled as I made my way to the door.
    I gave him a huge grin and walked out of the room. He immediately slammed the door once I’d crossed the threshold into the hall. When I walked pass the hallway window, I noticed the sun peeking over the horizon.
    “It’s morning.” I didn’t have to stay in my room all night alone. I was elated. Matt had still had his curtains drawn. It was always night in there.
    “Thanks, Matt,” I whispered. “I owe you one.”
    ~ ~ ~
    I arrived at school early to beat the crowd, if I could. I was determined not to have a nervous breakdown today. Maybe Zack’s death had affected me more than I cared to believe. I had no explanation for seeing him dead before it happened. But I’d convinced myself that there must be a reasonable explanation for it. I just didn’t know what it was yet.
    I contemplated Chris. Should I talk to him? Not about my silly crush but about the girl with the red tee. Or maybe we could discuss his conversation with her? Could he somehow be connected to my unhinged behavior?
    I rummaged through my locker for my second period book when I heard Chris’s distinct voice next to me. I took a deep breath and slammed my locker shut. He leaned on his locker and starred directly at me with those intense eyes.
    “Good morning, princess. Why are you here so early?” How in the world could he be so handsome? I bit my bottom lip to rein in my thoughts.
    “What if I said I wanted to talk with you?” I tried to suppress a smile and sound serious because I had serious questions. He was the only person who could answer them. If I could just stop looking at those lips…
    “I’d say we’re overdue a conversation.” He smiled down at me with his alluring eyes.
    My heart detached itself from my chest cavity and plummeted to the ground. I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and attempted to ask the question that had been on my mind all night. “Did you go to the memorial service for Zackary Taylor yesterday?” I started slow. Always the chicken.
    He looked at me with a sultry smirk, burning a hole into my soul. How can he do this to me with just a look? “Yes, beautiful. I was there.