Free The Feng Shui Detective Goes South by Nury Vittachi

thing twice; ‘You may not like it, but it’s not very nice; ‘I am da future, I cannot go back, ‘I say what I say, and baby, dat’s dat.’
    ‘You don’t have to say it exactly like you said it last night. But just tell my boss the same story, please? Use any words you like.’
    Jammo thought for a moment. ‘Okay,’ he said.
    ‘I was walkin’ down da road jes’ da other day, ‘When somethin’ kinda odd jes’ happen my way.
    ‘I saw a man walkin’ out with a waving cat, ‘Came strollin’ out his shop, just like dat.
    ‘He put it in his car and he drove right off, ‘One hour later—’ Jammo paused, apparently unable to think of a rhyme for ‘off ’.
    Then he snapped back into his speech:
    ‘One hour later, out ran all da toffs, ‘Coz da building, you see, it wuz on fire, ‘Da flames dey rose up higher and higher.
    ‘Was it because, I ask to myself,
    ‘Da guy remove da cat from the shelf?’
    He stopped and made a slinky flourish with his hands. The creatures applauded. Joyce looked at Wong. Wong did not move his head, but his eyes slowly moved to the right until they connected with Joyce’s.
    The young woman decided that she should interpret. ‘You see, CF, what he is saying is this. He saw a guy coming out of a building with a waving cat. On Orchard Road. That means one of those feng shui cats, you know, gold ceramic with one paw in the air? And then, one hour later, the building catches fire. Maybe there was a connection?’ She looked at him, her face open and hopeful.
    Wong, to Joyce’s obvious relief, appeared to take the suggestion seriously. His head tipped to one side—but just for a few seconds. Then he turned to face her: ‘Joyce, I tell you. Probably half the shops in Singapore have feng shui cat.
    New shops open, old shops close, every day. Every day, people bring feng shui cats into new shops or take them out of old shops. Every day there is a few fires somewhere in Singapore.
    Is nothing odd. Only coincidence.’
    ‘Oh,’ she said, disappointed. Her eyes fell. Suddenly she looked embarrassed and he noticed her cheeks redden. ‘I’m sorry. Are they really that common? I just thought—sorry, I think I just wasted your time. Never mind. Whatever. It’s like nice to introduce you to my gang and like have a drink with you?’
    ‘Yeah,’ said the gang in unison.
    Wong involuntarily glanced down at his drink—which remained untouched on the counter beside him.
    Jammo Ice J was backing out.
    ‘Time for me to go, ‘It’s da end of da show,
    ‘So I’ll say bye, and see ya nex’ time, ‘You come back and enjoy my witty rhymes.’
    There was another thundering blast of dance music as he opened the door and slipped out.
    Wong watched him with all the fascination of a biologist looking at a newly discovered species.
    Through the open door, he noticed that a young woman was staring at him, as if she had never seen anyone so strange or so old. She had streaked hair and a severely disapproving expression. She spun around and moved away. It made him feel uncomfortable. Truly, he was out of place in this bizarre, noisy world.
    Joyce looked out of the doorway. ‘That girl was looking at you,’ she said to the geomancer. ‘I think you’ve pulled.’
    ‘Woowooo!’ shrieked one of the creatures. ‘Who would have thought that Mr Wong would be the first to pull tonight?’
    ‘Pull?’ asked Wong.
    ‘Clear the snoggin’ room,’ said another creature.
    Wong pushed the door shut.
    ‘Don’t tease him,’ Joyce ordered. ‘It’s so mean.’
    She turned to her boss. ‘I hope it’s been like interesting for you? Not many people your age, I mean like grown-ups , have hung out in Dan T’s Inferno with rap singers? And everyone wants to meet Jammo Ice J. If he becomes famous you can tell all your friends you met him? They’ll be ever so impressed, I promise.’
    ‘Hmm. I see what you mean,’ Wong said, his mind turning back to Jammo. ‘ Is a poet. But not very much like Po