Free Burning Eden by Kelly Fisher Page A

with Jonni and then I felt terrible.
    Part of it was because I never wanted to break a family apart and part of it was because I knew he and I could never really be together. Jesse would never leave Jonni; he just wasn’t that kind of person. He wanted to be there to see Jonni grow up every day not only on weekends. Hell, with the state of the world none of us really knew if things would ever go back to normal so we better hold on to those around us while we could, especially our children. I knew deep down we would never be, all we had was the barn and our daydreams to get us by. Funny thing is that seemed to be enough.
    We’d lock eyes for a second and I could see the want there without a word, then one of us would nod our head slightly and look away. We both knew what the other was thinking and we knew we would be in each other’s arms again later that night.
    I sat on the porch watching the kids play with Jonni. Kairo was trying to get Wiley, our German shepherd, to let Jonni take a ride on his back. Wiley wasn’t having it though. Carrie came and sat down beside me and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Jesse was out with Dave and Cain helping with the farm so I had no idea what she would want with me. Most of the time Carrie kept to herself and did her share of chores without speaking much. Ever since her big blow up with the kids she had really been keeping her distance.
    I didn’t really mind, I never had intentions of becoming best friends with her but I would be civil, for Jesse. She sat in silence for a bit like me watching the kids play with Jonni. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her smile. That was good.
    I was hoping she wouldn’t get all pissy thinking that Jonni might get hurt. Kai would never let that happen of course but I didn’t need her blowing up on him again. I don’t think I would be able to bite my tongue a second time.
    “He really loves him, you know?” she finally spoke up.
    “I do,” I said. I thought she was talking about Jesse and Jonni. “He’s a wonderful father. You’re a very lucky woman.”
    “I was talking about Kairo and how much Jonni looks up to him. Live with Jesse for ten years and then tell me how lucky I am.”
    “Oh, right. Well I think Kai loves him just as much,” I quickly recover. I planned on ignoring her snide remark about Jesse. Living with anyone for ten years could cause that kind of attitude.
    “I’m really sorry about yelling at him the way I did. I was just so worried about Jonni. I guess I was overcome with emotions. Jesse and Jonni are all I have, I don’t want to lose them,” she said softly. Then I felt guilt but I tried to hide it the best I could.
    “I completely understand. It’s a mom thing. Apology accepted,” I said smiling slightly at her.
    “Thanks,” she said returning the smile.
    “Have you apologized to him?” I asked not liking how bitchy I sounded so I quickly added “it would probably mean a lot to him he kind of thinks you hate him.”
    “I don’t hate him, he’s a good kid. They all are. I don’t hate anyone,” she said. She looked down at the ground; I guess it was her turn to feel guilty. “I think I’ll go apologize to all of them then.”
    “I think they would really appreciate that,” I said. She stood up and began walking toward them before she got to the porch stairs she turned back around towards me.
    “Thank you for letting us stay here and keeping my son safe,” she said. The pang of guilt instantly returned and settled itself deep in my stomach.

Chapter 24
     
    I watched Carrie walk over to the kids and Jonni ran to her. She hugged him and picked him up and my guilt deepened. What the hell was I doing? What the hell would either of us do if someone found out? Maybe we should end this. Maybe it would be for the best I just wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to stay away from him.
    I saw a look of apprehension on the kids’ face as Carrie approached. They probably thought they were going to get