Free Matronly Duties by Melissa Kendall

resistance.
    “It’s pretty much an age thing. I am twenty-five now and by the time my five-year term as Matron is over, I will be thirty. The chances of me finding a donor and conceiving at that age is small. So I don’t hold out too much hope of having children.”
    “Bethanie, I know the doctors say that for optimal results it’s best to have children in your twenties, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have them in your thirties. Mum had Claire, Tim, and the twins all while she was in her thirties. Claire was born when Mum was almost forty.”
    “Forty?” I’m unable to stop myself from interrupting.
    “Yes, forty.”
    “I can’t imagine that.”
    “Well, I can. And I think any man you choose to procreate with will be very lucky.”
    An image of that man being Howard flits into my thoughts, and my ears suddenly feel like they are on fire.
    Howard looks away and coughs, a tinge of pink staining his cheeks.
    His words brightened the little spark of hope I hold deep inside. Maybe children could be in my future.
    “Thank you,” I say. “I believe the women you end up having children with will be very lucky as well.”
    “Woman,” Howard says, his gaze lingering on mine.
    My eyebrows scrunch up. “Sorry?”
    “ Woman , not women. I only intend to have children with one woman.”
    “Oh.” I shouldn’t be shocked by his declaration, but I am. It reminds me that he and I come from very different backgrounds.
    Howard frowns and looks away again. He seems tense, and his fingers are curled into fists at his side. It feels as if something has been left unsaid, though I have no idea what. I reach out and place my hand over his where it rests on the ground. His fingers unfurl, and he turns his hand over so the palm is facing up, entwining my hand with his. He stares at our joined hands for a few minutes, then looks up at me.
    I’m mesmerised by the deep, soulful pools of his blue eyes. My breath picks up and I lean a little closer. He pulls me nearer until I’m almost sitting on top of him. The expression on his face is one of hunger. His gaze seems intent on my lips, and my mind flashes back to the last time he looked at me like this—right before he kissed me. His confidence tells me he has kissed a woman before.
    Is that all he’s done?
    All thoughts flee my mind when his lips collide with mine. I let myself get lost in the warmth and pleasure of his passion-filled kiss until I’m gasping for breath.
    Even when I pull away, I don’t go too far. The idea of being separated from him leaves me with an odd sense of abandonment. But without his lips against mine, thoughts of how many women he’s done this with return.
    “Have you been with a woman before?”
    Howard gawks at me, his eyes wide.
    I can’t believe I blurted that out. “Oh my gosh, please forget I said that.”
    “It’s all right.” He swallows heavily and looks down. “Yes,” he replies almost too quietly to hear.
    “How many?” I’m too curious for my own good.
    He slides backwards and rests his head on his knees. He takes a couple of deep breaths. “A few.”
    “But I thought you believed in love?” I ask, not understanding how he could be with a woman if he believed in the one-true-love concept his mother told me about.
    “I do,” he replies. “But I’m still a man, and sometimes the company of a pretty woman is what you want. I’ve never taken advantage of a woman, though. They were always willing.”
    A strange tightness settles in my chest, and I realise I don’t want to know the ins and outs of any previous relationships he’s had. I could swear I feel angry, even. There were women before me.
    Howard grabs my hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
    I shake my head trying to clear my mind. “I’m fine. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. Your private life is none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”
    Howard reaches out and cups my cheek, turning my head so our gazes meet. “Bethanie,