Free More Than Allies by Sandra Scofield Page B

embodied that in the Other—you don’t know if it’s a man or a woman. But you know what I’ve discovered?” She sat up, her shoulders now raised, her head bent toward Maggie. “That intensity of desire, once abated, creates stasis. It’s anticlimactic.” She fell back on the chair again. “It’s boring.” She lifted her hands, palms up, and smiled ruefully. “Maybe it’s inevitable. Maybe fulfillment means closure, and closure is—for me at least— dishwater. ”
    There was a timid knock at the door, the door squeaked open slightly, and Leah peeked around. “Mommy, we’re having rice pudding.”
    â€œI’m so sorry,” Rachel said, looking at Maggie. To Leah, she spoke sternly. “I’m talking now.”
    â€œBut Daddy said to tell you.”
    â€œTell Daddy I’m busy.”
    Leah’s face clouded. She inched the door open a bit wider, put one foot inside the room.
    â€œYou may not come in now,” Rachel said.
    Maggie jumped up. “I need to go anyway. The kids need baths, stories—” She lifted her hands the same way Rachel had done earlier, palms up.
    Leah ran across the room and stood by her mother.
    â€œYou set boundaries,” Rachel said. Maggie nodded mutely.
    â€œAnd you separate issues, those that have to do with—them—” she glanced at her daughter—“and those that have to do with you.”
    â€œI better go.” Maggie’s face burned. Leah looked like a child mannequin, standing by her mother, a pretty child with no expression at all just now.
    Rachel heaved herself off the chair. Leah clung to her long pink dress. Rachel moved across to Maggie and put her arm over her shoulder. “A therapist could help you sort it out, you know,” she said. “The right one.”
    Maggie took a breath and found a voice. “I was really just wondering what you do when Mason—when he—sometimes he must—”
    Rachel smiled. “Sandy looks after the kids in the evenings, so I can work. I really leave the discipline—that’s what you’re asking about, isn’t it?—to him. You could talk to him.” She kissed Maggie’s cheek. Leah had followed her movement across the room. She stood pressed against her hip, her face still blank and patient.
    â€œBye, Leah,” Maggie said.
    Rachel glanced down as if she’d only just noticed the child. She patted her shoulder. “Run have your dessert, angel.” To Maggie she said, “Come any time.”
    Maggie took Leah’s hand. By the time they were at the stairs, she heard Rachel’s door close firmly with a click.

Dulce tells me: Rachel was one of the first people I met when I moved to Lupine. Gus was four-and-a-half. I had to find work, but I didn’t know what I could do so that I could also afford a babysitter. I had a place to live, and I applied for food stamps, but I didn’t want to go to welfare. My husband was in prison. I didn’t want nobody asking me questions. I didn’t want to answer to nobody .
    There was an ad in the paper for a babysitter, “Live in or out .” I went and talked to her. I saw that what she really wanted was a housekeeper, cook, laundress , and babysitter, so I promised her I could do everything, if she would hire me, and if I could keep Gus with me whenever I was in her house. Her son Mason was the same age as Gus, so it made it easier for me, and was good for the boys. Rachel was teaching, and she was soon pregnant with Leah. I didn’t know what her husband Sandy did, exactly, because he was in and out all the time, but that was his business and I never thought about it. I knew it had to do with money. I guess I thought he was a banker, except that he didn’t seem to have a schedule. Now I know he’s just rich. He goes somewhere when he feels like it, and he plays with his own money. And, you suppose,