Free Rodeo (BBW Cowboy Romance) (BBW Western Romance) by Cristina Grenier Page B

my situation but that didn't mean I was looking for a solution to this particular relationship, I accepted that this was now over, it was time to reflect on the reasons and decide what my next chapter would entail.  The only hard fact decision I would have to make about John in the future would be when to file for divorce.
     
    Soaking in a hot bath I was starting to feel the day's drudgery drift away from my body and mind, wrapping a towel around my body I stepped out of the bath and into my bedroom, my heart almost jumped out of my body when I saw John standing in the same room. 
     
    He looked lost and unsure of how I was going to react and he had every reason to.  I could have easily lost my temper and screamed at him to get out, he wasn't welcome and he had no right to come into the house, however, it was still his house and he did have every right to come in, however, entering the bedroom whilst I was in the bath was another matter.
     
    “What are you doing John? I thought I made it perfectly clear on the phone that there was nothing left to talk about, I want an early night and I'm leaving in the morning, end of.”
     
    Fiddling with his keys, John was clearly feeling a little difficult in the circumstances, whether or not he'd expected to find me in a state of undress or finding himself walking into a corrosive atmosphere, it was un-chartered waters for him, in a perverse kind of way it was nice to see him so vulnerable.  He walked towards me and put his keys down on the bedside table, hands in pockets, I knew he was anxious.
     
    “Eva, I never meant to hurt you, I promise you that and I'm sorry that you're feeling crap because of me, I just don't want you to walk out of this with anything negative ...”
     
    “You mean you don't want me to badmouth you in front of anyone, you want to feel better about yourself out of all of this regardless of my feelings ...” I interrupted.
     
    John shifted slightly, taking a step towards me, “No, not at all, I hate myself for feeling like this and I wish more than anything that I didn't but I'm selfish, I only seem to think about my own feelings most of the time and at this moment in time I'm thinking of you … I don't want us to part on bad terms, I still love you, I'm just not in love with you.”
     
    I smiled and sat down on the bed, “Yes John, this is the problem, for most people, love is enough, you have to be in love … you'll be forever lonely deep down if that's the case.”
     
    He sat down beside me, I could feel his unease.  He buried his head in his hands and sighed deeply, this was something rare to see, John was usually so together, I was slightly unsure what to do.  I placed my hand on his back and gently stroked, he suddenly sat up, looked at me and took my face into his hands. 
     
    “Eva, I'm so confused, when I'm with you it's not enough but when I think you're going I don't want you to.”
     
    He kissed me.  Initially I didn't know how to respond but I missed his lips and more than ever I missed his affection, I couldn't help but kiss him back.  As expected, it was like when we first met; heated, electric and full of anticipation.  If this is what John was missing then he was certainly not going to miss out on it tonight, I knew it was for all the wrong reasons but it did feel right … there was no harm in saying goodbye?
     
    As we involved ourselves in each other there was a huge amount of passion, perhaps a bigger passion than we'd ever previously experienced between one another, totally engrossed in satisfying each other's needs, this was perhaps the best sex we'd ever had since we'd met.  John was more attentive, I was more amorous, we both seemed to have reached a mutual connection of integrity, neither of us holding back, it was like we were both strangers having rampant sex in a hotel room, no strings attached and no awkward composure, we were wanton with lust and free with our inhibitions, for me and I'm sure John would