Free Daisy and the Trouble with Zoos by Kes Gray

Chapter 1
    The trouble with zoos is they shouldn’t say things they don’t mean. Especially on seven-year-olds’ birthdays. If zoos say things they don’t mean on a seven-year-old’s birthday, then anything can happen. Which is why what happened today DID happen. Which ISN’T my FAULT.
    My mum says all the other seven-year-olds in the zoo knew what the zoo meant. Which is a lie. Because Gabby didn’t understand what the zoo meant either and she’s been seven for ages.
    Dylan didn’t even know! And he’s as old as NINE!!!!!!!!!
    Gabby and Dylan are my best friends, which is why Mum invited them to come to the zoo with me today. Going to the zoo was my special birthday treat!
    The trouble with special birthday treats is they only happen once a year, which means they can make you a bit excited.

    My mum says I hadn’t got a BIT excited, I’d got OVER–OVER-excited. She says there’s a big difference between being a bit excited and being over–over-excited, and that if I ever get over–over-excited like today again, then all my birthdays will be cancelled in future. Which means I’ll be seven for ever.
    Gabby and Dylan say that if my mum cancels all my birthdays, I can share some of theirs. Like for instance when Gabby has her next birthday, she gets half of it and I get the other half. That means, instead of Gabby being eight, she’ll only goup a half to seven and a half, but I’ll go up a half to seven and a half too!
    Dylan says that he wants to keep three quarters of his birthday. That means on his next birthday, instead of being ten, he doesn’t mind being nine and three quarters instead, which is nearly ten anyway.
    Dylan says giving someone a quarter of your birthday is still quite a lot, especially when someone else has already given you one of their halves too. Plus, Dylan says if I can find another person to give meone of their quarters, then I’ll be back to normal.
    Except, the trouble with me going back to normal is it won’t be right, because then I’ll be going up in ones, Dylan will be going up in three quarters and Gabby will be going up in halves.

    Which is less than me. Which really wouldn’t be fair because I was the one that got over–over-excited at the zoo, not them.
    Dylan says to make it fair, Gabby and him would need to find someone else to give them a half AND a quarter of their birthday!
    BUT THAT adds up to three quarters of a birthday!!!
    Dylan says that the trouble with someone giving away three quarters of their birthday is they’ll only be getting a quarter older every year. Which really isn’t very much at all.

    Dylan is ever so good at maths. He’s going to be a computer when he grows up.
    Gabby isn’t. Gabby hates adding up. And taking away. Gabby says sums make her brain shrink. The trouble with your brain shrinking is in the end it will turn into a pea.

    Which is the worst thing in the world a brain could turn into.
    Plus your head will start to rattle.
    And you won’t be able to tie your shoe laces.
    Or do joined up.
    In the end we all agreed it would be easier if I didn’t EVER get over–over-excited in zoos again. That way, what happened today will never happen again.
    Plus none of my birthdays will ever get cancelled and we can all grow up in ones on our birthdays, instead of halves and quarters.
    Plus no one will have to worry about blowing out more than their fair share of candles.
    Or getting too many pink ones.
    Gabby says just to make sure I don’t get over–over-excited again, it might be better if I didn’t ever go to the zoo again. EVER EVER!
    Gabby said maybe we should just go swimming or something on my next birthday.
    But I said no way.
    Swimming pools aren’t anywhere near as good as zoos. Even swimming pools with slides and wave machines and hot chocolates.
    And anyway. What happened today WASN’T MY FAULT!
    IT WAS THE