Free Hackers on Steroids by Oisín Sweeney Page B

all from this doom, Malcolm. I know I would have been scared too if I were that meteor.
     
    Shortly after this, Malcolm, a cadaverous little creature of no more than seven stone in weight and who looks like a rat’s penis on legs, started talking about arresting British Prime Minister David Cameron on war crimes charges. Referring to an event Cameron was expected to attend, Malcolm wrote: ‘I will be in attendance on this day and will happily effect the arrest. I have made several in my time, am comfortable with the process and Miranda Rights and would be more than happy to remand him into custody until he can be handed to the relevant authorities, in this case probably Interpol. Just say the word.’
     
    Most people would probably assume that he had Afghanistan or Libya in mind here and the UK’s involvement in the wars in those two countries when he was talking about arresting Cameron in the name of Anonymous (and all presumably while wearing his old security guard uniform). But knowing Malcolm the way I do, I have a real suspicion that it may be related to the Battle of the Bullring Shopping Centre.
     
    But for me, the high point/low point of all of this hilarity so far has to be the time when Malfunction began making videos threatening that he was going to use the powers of Anonymous to bring down the British government in the wake of the August 2011 multi-city riots in England. Apparently, he and a lot of other people in Guy Fawkes masks were going to march on Parliament Square in London and demand that the UK government stand down and hand power back to the people. Malfunction was genuinely convinced that faced with the massive people power of Malfunction and the millions upon millions of Anonymous members who live inside of his head, they would do just that. The scene he had in that magical little noggin of his was one which takes place at the end of the celluloid version of V For Vendetta when an army of people in Guy Fawkes masks march to the Palace of Westminster to see it explode, heralding the revolution that is about to take place. All of his videos were accompanied by the now familiar warning of: ‘We are Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forgive. We do forget. EXPECT US!;’ the latter put in capitals just to make sure that David Cameron and the rest of them had sleepless nights right up until the forewarned day of judgement (5th November 2011 - Guy Fawkes Day). Presumably the Battle of the Bullring Shopping Centre was just a practice run for this - their real plan to take over the world.
     
    And Malcolm wasn’t anything but deadly serious either. He wasn’t trolling, or doing it for a joke. He never is with this stuff. Malcolm, bless his poor wee heart, really was going to take down the British government and take power ‘for the people.’ He may even have went so far to have made himself Prime Minister and then those SS security guards who had to remove those shrieking nincompoops from that shopping arcade in Birmingham could have been brought up to answer charges of war crimes. Of course, some might say that Malcolm and his fellow survivors from the Battle of the Bullring couldn’t have done a worse job than most governments in most places in the world are doing at any given time, but let us not get into that here.
     
    In the end only 100 turned up for the march, were quickly rerouted by the police, and David Cameron awoke the next day still PM of Britain. Personally myself, I blame the giant lizardmen from space for foiling Mal’s plans. It’s always the giant lizardmen from space who are to blame when things like this fail. One Anon on Facebook did though in all seriousness theorise that all those millions of Anons who didn’t turn up for the revolution were the victims of a government-induced flu sent out to kill the insurrection before it could begin. Perhaps Mad Mal made a strategic mistake in giving forewarning of his plans?
     
    Have I mentioned yet that Malcolm is in his 40s? I