Free The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong by A.J. Adams Page A

online!”
    (I feel so sorry for the people who actually work here.)
     
     

FOURTH TIME’S A CHARM
    C ELL P HONE C OMPANY | W AYNESBORO, V IRGINIA
     
    C USTOMER: “H OW many unlimited minutes do I get?”
    C OWORKER: “Well, it’s unlimited.”
    C USTOMER: “S O how many day minutes do I get?”
    C OWORKER: “Unlimited.”
    C USTOMER: “H OW many night and weekend minutes?”
    C OWORKER: “Unlimited.”
    C USTOMER: “I don’t understand. How many minutes is that?”
    C OWORKER: “Ma’am, you can talk all day and all night as much as you want and you don’t have to worry about how many minutes you use.”
    C USTOMER: “Oh, so it’s unlimited!”

LIVE LONG, BUT DON’T PROSPER
    O NLINE C ASINO | C OSTA R ICA
     
    M E: “Welcome to our online casino, how may I help you?”
    C USTOMER: “I’ve been a customer for a long time and have never asked for anything. I want you to add some cash to my balance, say fifty bucks.”
    M E: “I’m sorry, sir, but at this moment we do not have any free-money promotions running. However, with a small $20 deposit you can apply for a reload bonus.”
    C USTOMER: “I’m not interested. Add the $50 in and that will make things fine.”
    M E: “I’m sorry. I cannot just add money like that.”
    (At this point, the last thing I’m expecting is a fellow Trekkie.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “You will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!”
    M E: “I’m sorry, sir, not even the Borg can make it happen.”
    (Trying to be a smart aleck, he switches to Vulcan.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “Tan-tor donku!” (“Give me money” in Vulcan)
    M E: “Aksh’lz, pak-tor gol’nev.” (“Sorry, I’m unable to do it” in Vulcan)
    C USTOMER: “Holy moly, you are good when it comes to saying no! That’s the first time I’ve gotten denied in Vulcan!”
    M E: “Rom-halan!” (“Good day!” in Vulcan)

FIBBING FAIL
    R ETAIL | D ENVER, C OLORADO
     
    M E: “Hi, how can I help you?”
    C USTOMER: “I need to return this d*** camera.”
    M E: “Sure, was it not working?”
    C USTOMER: “I just don’t want it, okay?”
    M E: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?”
    C USTOMER: “Why does that matter?”
    M E: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.”
    C USTOMER: “Oh. No … no, it hasn’t been opened.”
    (I look and the box clearly has been opened, with a torn seal.)
     
     
    M E: “Uh … are you sure it hasn’t been opened?”
    C USTOMER: “LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? Where is your manager? I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!”
    M E: “Ma’am, if you just—”
    C USTOMER: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!”
    M E: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!”
    C USTOMER: “That’s right you will!”
    M E: “Can I see your receipt?”
    C USTOMER: “It’s in the box.”

WORST. CHRISTMAS. EVER.
    R ETAIL | B IRMINGHAM, A LABAMA
     
    M E: “Can I help you find anything, ma’am?”
    G RANDMA: “Yes, I’m looking for a Christmas gift for my grandson. He’s five and I want something basic.”
    M E: “All right, let me show you a few things.”
    (I proceed to show her some puzzles, blocks, and books, but each time she has the same response.)
     
     
    G RANDMA: “No, basic. More simple.”
    M E: “Okay …”
    (I continue to try and find her something even simpler than a bunch of blocks. Eventually, we pass by the school supplies section of the store.)
     
     
    G RANDMA: *picks up a ream of printer paper* “Here! This is perfect!”
    M E: “Paper?”
    G RANDMA: “Yes! He can draw on it or make a hat or an airplane. It’s perfect!”
    (As she goes to pay for the paper, my boss comes up behind me.)
     
     
    Boss: “I’d hate to be that kid on Christmas morning.”

OUR EQ JUST ATE YOUR IQ
    F AST F OOD | W ISCONSIN
     
    (Our restaurant is within walking distance of an assisted living center, so many of our regulars