Free The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong by A.J. Adams

is hours away and it’s too dangerous for the drivers to be out on the roads today.”
    C USTOMER: “Well, I made it, how come they can’t?”
    M E: “Sir, you live on the street behind the building, which is a much shorter and safer distance compared to the over 120 miles the driver would have to drive, especially on roads that not even emergency vehicles will go onto.”
    C USTOMER: “I was told my pictures were going to be back today, and I want them today!”
    (I’m about to apologize to the man but am beaten to the punch by the customer behind him …)
     
     
    C USTOMER #2: “Yeah! You guys should have dogsleds on the side just in case.”
    O RIGINAL CUSTOMER: “Don’t be ridiculous!”
    C USTOMER #2: *in a very apologetic tone* “I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to make insane demands.”
    O RIGINAL CUSTOMER: *storms off, talking to the air about how rude people are*
    C USTOMER #2: “That was fun!”*walks away*
    (Unfortunately, I never got to thank that second customer. Wherever you are, Customer #2, thank you.)
     
     

THE PAWS OF WIFE
    911 D ISPATCH | G EORGIA
     
    (I’m a 911 dispatcher and received this call on Thanksgiving Day.)
     
     
    M E: “911, what is your emergency?”
    C ALLER: “Could you send the police over here at [address]? My wife is trying to get me out of bed.”
    M E: “… And you don’t want to get out of bed, sir?”
    C ALLER: “N O! She threw the covers off me!”
    M E: “I’ll send them over sir.”*hangs up*

AT LEAST IT’LL BE EASIER TO ROLL OVER IN HER GRAVE
    F UNERAL H OME | C ALIFORNIA
     
    (My client, the deceased’s sister, comes in with clothes for the funeral.)
     
     
    M E: “Oh, this is lovely.”
    C LIENT: “Yes, my sister was always conscious of her appearance. She always wanted to look her best.”
    M E: “Well, ma’am, I’m afraid this is a bit too small. Even if we cut down the back, it would not fit her.”
    C LIENT: “I know, I bought a couple sizes down. You all can shave a little off her sides, can’t you? Like lipo? I want her to look great!”
    M E: “Ma’am, I really doubt that is possible, or even legal.”
    C LIENT: “Well, go check with the mortician. He knows what he’s doing!”
    (I head back to the prep room to talk to the embalmer.)
     
     
    M E: “Uh, sir, there’s a client out front who wants to know if we can, er, lipo her sister for the service?”
    E MBALMER: “What?!”
    (Unfortunately, this wasn’t the last time we heard this request.)
     
     

NOW YOU KNOW HOW WE FEEL
    B ED AND B ATH S TORE | N EW Y ORK
     
    (It’s Sunday and I’m dressed up because I just came from church. I’m shopping at the local bed and bath store.)
     
     
    C USTOMER: “Excuse me? Where are the curtain rods?”
    M E: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”
    C USTOMER: “Excuse me?!”
    M E: “I don’t work here, ma’am, so I don’t know where the curtain rods are. I can help you find someone who does, though.”
    C USTOMER: “This is unacceptable. Show me where the curtain rods are.”
    M E: “I hate to break this to you, but I really don’t work here. I think there is a help desk over there, though.”
    C USTOMER: *calls husband over* “Can you set her straight? I’m trying to find curtain rods and she refuses to help me!”
    H USBAND: “Look, you are getting paid far too much money to be screwing around! Now, my wife asked you something very simple. She cannot seem to find the curtain rods. Show us where they are, or we will call your manager.”
    M E: “Sir, I am sorry, but I don’t work here. I don’t know where they are.”
    H USBAND: “I can tell a worker when I see one. No one but workers wears suits.”
    M E: “I wear them for church, sir.”
    C USTOMER: “What?”
    M E: “Yes, I’m wearing a suit because I just came from church with my family. I’m sorry I can’t help you.”
    C USTOMER: “I hate this store.”
    H USBAND: “I know, honey, I know. Let’s just go. We can get curtain rods