Free Jerk by Foxy Tale

word.  Something that would make me stay. 
    I heard silence as I paused by the door, ready to shut it. I couldn’t even turn around to look at her.  I felt so ashamed.  There was only one thing left to do: go and see my dad and her mom.  I had to face the music. The coward inside of me wanted to do it with Kelly. I needed to know that she forgave me and knew that I was with her all the way.  Now, I got the one thing I deserved, and the voice inside my head that said I was worth nothing crept back in. 
    I wasn’t sure why I was chasing my mom´s ghost, when I should really just spit on it.  Tell everyone the truth about her and stop pretending that she was something she never was; the problem was, dad would never let me.
    He´d have to start, beginning now.

27
    “ S hit , Seb, did you just sneak in?” Dwayne caught me in the hallway as I shut his bedroom door, probably wondering how I knew that Kelly was in there.
    “How did you know that Kelly was in my room?” he asked as he caught my arm and led me to the guest room.
    “I saw Brenda on the way in,” I whispered in a voice that even I didn’t recognize.  I couldn’t believe that she’d ignored me like that.  What did I expect? I got what I deserved.
    “Oh,” he said as he closed the door.  We walked into the room, and I looked out of the window.  Their drive was practically the same size as my house.  For someone who was shit rich, he really was so down to earth.  Nothing like the rich pricks at our school.
    “She needs time, Seb.  You can´t expect her to just forgive you like that.”
    I nodded and then I shook my head.  “I even bought her a rose.  I´ve never bought flowers before.  Took me about twenty minutes to figure out what to buy.” 
    He laughed as he patted me on the back.  “For a guy that´s had so many women, you have so much to learn.” 
    I scoffed, “Unlike you?”
    “Look, don´t compare us. You know you can´t.  I just don´t need Kelly getting more upset right now. You need to tell her the truth. I know she´ll come around.  For some crazy reason she loves you.”
    What, she loves me?
    She doesn´t even know me.  She doesn´t know the darkness inside of me.
    “Yep, you really gone and done it this time.  This guy is in love and…”
    “She´s having my baby.” I finished the sentence for him.  She didn´t know what she was getting into.  If she did, then she would have gone and had the abortion with no questions asked. I should have told her the real reason I had the leaflet.  The real reason I knew where the clinic was; fuck, I didn´t even have to ask how much it cost.  I was such a fucking jerk.
    “Dwayne,” I blurted out as I made my way to the side table, trying to avoid the one thing that was going through his mind. “I need to tell Kelly the truth.” He nodded as he came up to me.  His normally bright eyes looked tired and lifeless. I wondered if he’d slept as little as I had night.  Everything and anything was going through my mind.  Fuck, I couldn´t look in the mirror.  I only did when I got to the florist and saw a reflection of myself.  That’s when I popped home and had a quick shower, hoping that Laura and Dad wouldn´t come out and question me. 
    Why would they?
    I was always leaving and going out all night. It was nothing new to Dad.  At first he used to call all the time, especially when I learnt about Mom´s death.  I went crazy.  Not straight after she died, but when I learnt the truth.  He had kept it a secret from everyone.  When I found out, I went wild.  That was six months ago, and I was still acting the same way.  Everyone assumed it was her death that had done it.  Only Dwayne knew the real reason why.  Sure, I was upset when she died, but what finally broke me was the truth.  The saying is it sets you free.  No, it just fucks you up even more.
    “The past is the past, Seb.  You can´t change things or try and make them better. What you can do is try