Free Jerk by Foxy Tale Page A

and do the decent thing.  I don´t think that Kelly is the only one in love.”
    I shook my head. I wasn´t capable of love. I only took.  Like the selfish prick that grew inside of me.  He told me how to behave, always whispering bad things in my head.  Telling me that I was good for nothing, flashing before me every bad thing that I had ever done and making me see that beauty was in the eye of the beholder.  Girls think I´m hot. They have no idea that what is on the outside is nothing compared to the ugliness that courses through my veins.
     
----
     
    I didn´t know how long we were in the guest room.  Our conversations switched from things that we had done in the past to my future with Kelly.  Dwayne was a real friend.  Always trying to tell me exactly the way it was, and I could see why girls loved him.  Nothing like me at all.  He was deep, he read poetry, he fucking knew everything there was to know under the sun.  His mind was full of knowledge.  I used to be like that. It´s why we clicked as friends.  I always used to try and figure out what was new.  How far would technology take us as humans? Or would it end up being our destruction.  Now, nothing interested me.
    I fucked as if it was the last time I would get my dick hard.  I did it for relief. To let go of all the tension that built inside of me.  To set the demons free.  But, it never lasted forever.  Just like when I had a few bottles.  I drank to forget, but I always woke up remembering every fucking thing that was wrong in my life.  Even at eighteen, I’d caused too much pain and hurt in my life.
    Going to college meant getting away from this fucking place.  Not living in the constant reminder of everything that was wrong in my life.  Shit, even when I went to school, the cemetery was close by.   It felt as if it was in front of my eyes as I went in the damn school.  I was so fucking happy when graduation was over for many reasons.  To get out of this part of Jersey and to get the fuck away from her. Everyone thought my mom was my savior; they don´t know, apart from Dwayne, that she was the fucking devil in disguise.

28
    “ Y ou´re still here ?” Kelly asked as she walked into the guest room.  Dwayne and I were sitting on the bed with Brenda.  She’d stopped hiding in the kitchen when the suspense of what was going on was killing her.
    Typical woman!
    I didn´t know what to do.  Everyone´s eyes in the room shifted as she came in.  We forgot she was in the house.  Brenda loved listening to stories about the football team.  What us guys got up to behind closed doors.  I felt relaxed, as if she was one of the guys as I spoke.  For a brief second I felt as if I was with Kelly.  She made me feel that way too. Unlike some of the girls that I had been with, who seemed to be only after one thing. I know that we guys are not much better. But some girls, especially the ones in the cheerleader’s squad, are far worse.
    “Yes.” I nodded, assuming she was speaking to me.  Then, like a gust of wind, both Dwayne and Brenda attempted to get off the bed.  Their efforts were in vain, as Brenda fell of the bed, probably because the jeans she was wearing were way too tight, especially in this heat, and she could hardly move her legs.  It reminded me of the effort it took for her to get on the bed.  She’d practically just dropped on it.  Dwayne slapped her butt, and I could hear the vibrations through the room.  Okay, so that was probably a bit of an exaggeration. 
    “No, guys, don´t leave!” Kelly demanded. They stood frozen in time from her words.  I needed their support.  But, she dismissed them which brought about regret.  Shit, just say she wants nothing more to do with me?   The kind soft words she had once spoken were now lost as she stood by my side.  I sat at the edge of the bed.
    “Don´t think you bringing me a rose makes up for what you did.”
    Her finger was pointing at me.  And for once, I was