Free Vagina Insanity by Niranjan Jha Page B

withering in pain while looking at the blank
sky. With no focus, my pupils were dilating and trying hard to come
to a point where I could see. I could see something physical at
least, if not the far askance look which was trying to search my
soul for questions unanswered for eons, where the entire life was
drifting away. Trying to hang on to my fleeting moments by mere
hanging the intangible threads of my shredded life’s cocoon was
giving me a scuffling challenge.

    I wanted to get my money back but I failed because
she had already swallowed up forever. From the second week onwards,
the things started getting bitter. Finally, she thought of telling
me the all truth assuming I would have mercy on her. But the
mistakes she had committed were too big to be forgiven.

    She revealed the truth in her own words that she was
a ninth-standard failed school drop-out.
     
    ‘Oh fuck!’
    I thought for a moment.
    ‘Then why did you lie to me?’ I enquired.
    ‘I am sorry,’ she could say that much only.
     
    I gave her a big slap, and angrily, I caught her
throat to strangle. I kept on asking her why she lied to me and she
had no answer. There was no word in her mouth. She just begged
pardon for all she had done. My life appeared to be finished at
that moment. Hearing that, I felt my face smacked by a stone-handed
devil. She was accusing her poverty for everything. Feeling the
heart burnt, when I spoke to her mother, she blamed her drunkard
and brothel-stuck husband as he never took care of the family.
Julia had no cousin staying in the USA and her starving family had
no option but to spend my money to survive.
     
    I got my mind cluster-fucked!
     
    With a blob formed in throat, I labored to gasp for
filling my lungs to survive. A vast blank horizon stared back at me
mocking my very existence, my dignity, my soul itself. I stared
back…blank…dead eyes…no feelings…no emotion…absolutely with
nothing, into nothingness. I was asking myself whether I was
created for the sake of just punishment. Where did I err…or why did
God err?
     
    “The laws of the universe cannot be annulled in
behalf of a single petitioner.” –Ambrose Bierce
     
     

Chapter Nineteen
    “The world is not willing to welcome those who find
problems only. It needs those who find solutions.”
     
    The living condition of her family was as worst as of
the tribal’s of an interior hilly area. The money she took from me
was gone forever. If that much was enough, I would have still
married her. But the next thing what she did with me was so cruel
that I was left flabbergasted. At a strange place, I was left to
drag in the streets of Kerala seeking a shelter for months. Such a
gruesome cheating!
     
    Till now, she was still trying to patch up, but for
me everything was fishy around. She would come to see me in the
lodge so viciously as if she was digging my grave behind. I went to
the church and informed everything to the priest to seek justice.
This time, to save the family from facing insult, she played with
words and asked forgiveness from the society. Holding head in hand
and standing at the darkened crossroad, I was listening to the
priest’s advices. Ultimately, the decision of him went in her
favor. The torture killing my morality, and the humiliation upon
humiliation embedded into the core of my soul were leaving a blotch
of the questions – what did I do to deserve this? Was this the
wrath imploded of the mortals or the immortals??
     
    The interface between my mind and senses was lost. I
let the priest be the mediator to decide my future. The situation
was hyper-tensed but she was pardoned for everything and was told
to ask forgiveness from God in total submission. The priest advised
her to go to the retreat center, and for that, he told me to
accompany her. They apprehended that a week of time spent in
retreat would transform her into benignity.
     
    Whether one goes to a retreat center or takes a dip
into the river Ganges or visits Makka and