Free Miss Lazar Is Bizarre! by Dan Gutman Page A

fear, students! It is I, Super Custodian!” said Miss Lazar as she hopped off the scooter. “What happened?”
    â€œA.J. had a bathroom emergency,” said Andrea Young, this really annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair who I hate.
    â€œI did not!” I said.
    â€œYou got here just in time, Miss Lazar!” said Mr. Klutz. “The toilet must havebacked up.”

    Mr. Klutz totally didn’t know what he was talking about. The toilet didn’t back up. It didn’t move an inch.
    â€œThis looks like a job for Super Custodian!” said Miss Lazar.
    â€œWhat a mess,” Andrea said. “A.J. made a big mess.”
    â€œThe messier the better,” said Miss Lazar. “I love messes!”
    â€œYou do?” I asked. “Why?”
    â€œIf kids didn’t make any messes, I wouldn’t have a job,” said Miss Lazar. “So make all the messes you want. In fact, I wish you kids would throw more garbage on the floor. I don’t have enough to clean up.”
    So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea.
    â€œStand aside, students,” said Miss Lazar. “Super Custodian is here to save the day! Anytime finger paint is spilled, or somebody loses a retainer in the garbage can, or a child throws up, I am at your service to—”
    â€œCan you just clean up the mess, please?” asked Mr. Klutz.
    â€œYou can count on me!” Miss Lazar said. She put on these gigantic yellow plastic gloves and pushed open the boys’ room door. It looked like a lake in there.
    Miss Daisy told us we should go back to our classroom. But before we could make a move, we heard Miss Lazar’s voice.
    â€œAha!” she shouted. “Here’s theproblem!”
    Miss Lazar came back out of the bathroom with something in her hand.
    â€œCrayons!” she said. “Somebody stuffed a bunch of crayons down the toilet.”
    Mr. Klutz and Miss Daisy looked at me like I was the one who stuffed the crayons down the toilet. I didn’t. I really didn’t. Why would I do a dumb thing like that?
    From the hallway we could see the water was starting to go down thedrain in the bathroom floor. The toilet wasn’t overflowing anymore.

    â€œWow, you did it, Miss Lazar!” said Andrea. What a brownnoser!
    â€œMiss Lazar saved the day!” said Andrea’s crybaby friend, Emily. Everybody started cheering and clapping their hands. Miss Lazar took a bow.
    Principal Klutz is like the king of the school, but Miss Lazar is like a real living superhero. Anytime something goes wrong anywhere in the school, she is the person to call. Miss Lazar can clean up any mess and fix anything that breaks. She’s the only one in the whole school who can turn the lights on and off whenwe have an assembly, because she has a special key. She can solve just about any problem in the world.
    â€œIt was nothing, really,” said Miss Lazar, taking off her yellow gloves. “Anybody could have—”
    She never got the chance to finish her sentence, because at that very moment her walkie-talkie beeped.
    â€œMiss Lazar!” said the voice in the walkie-talkie. “We have an emergency in Mr. Docker’s science room!”
    â€œUntil we meet again!” said Miss Lazar as she hopped back on her scooter. “Duty calls!”
    And then she roared down the hallway.
    Me and Michael and Ryan started giggling because Miss Lazar said “duty,” and the word “duty” sounds exactly the same as the word “doody.” It’s okay to say “duty,” but you’re not supposed to say “doody.” So every time anybody says “duty,” I can’t help but think of “doody,” and I have to start giggling.
    â€œDuty” sounds way too much like “doody,” if you ask me. Those two things should definitely have two different words. Don’t you think?

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The Greatest Idea in the History of the World
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