Free Pink Wellies and Flat Caps by Lynda Renham

Charlie that is the real vegetarian and animal rights liberator. I only did it to make things easier at meal times. Come to think of it I did a lot of things to make things easier and keep the peace between us. I almost froze to death at some of the animal rights protest movements he took me on. I often used to think animal cruelty came before Alice cruelty. I swear I had mild frostbite once because he snatched my gloves off me. Well, I didn’t know they were real leather. My mother had given them to me for Christmas. So, it wasn’t strictly my fault was it? My hands were a bluish purple by the time we got home. The truth is I got so tired of going out for a meal and having Charlie ask is this cheese vegetarian, or, was this cooked in the same pan as that meat. In fact, I’m still riddled with guilt as often I would forget and give him cheese that wasn’t vegetarian, or pretend I had made a bolognaise from Quorn when it was in fact real mince. I would lay awake all night waiting for him to have some kind of anaphylactic shock while he snored away happily. I’m still haunted by fears that one day he will spontaneously self-combust because there was gelatine in the trifle or animal fat in the apple pie. It will be something of a relief I suppose to just tuck into some fish and chips without having Charlie say You do know that is dripping in animal fat don’t you? Plus the fact that I am actually so hungry that I’m seriously beginning to think that if Edward Fairfax slaughtered a cow in front of me I would eat it. After tea I feel a little better and with her help make up the bed with clean sheets and blankets.
    ‘Obviously, if you decide to stay you can buy a duvet in the village shop …’ she trails off.
    ‘Ted is desperate for help around the house. He won’t admit it of course, he’s a stubborn bugger, if you’ll excuse my language,’ she smiles and wipes a film of dust from the dressing table.
    Excuse her language? Bloody hell, if I can listen to Casper I can listen to anyone.
    ‘ This place has gone to the dogs. Poor Ted, I don’t think he fully realises what he’s taken on. Was he bloody rude?’
    I nod.              
    ‘He’s got a lot on his plate, but I know that’s no excuse for rudeness. He’s not a farmer, our Ted. He’s a brilliant vet but a lousy farmer. So, what made you take a job in Truro of all places?’
    I feel tears prick my eyelids again.
    ‘My fiancé chucked me a few weeks before our wedding, and then he gave up the tenancy on our flat and then my hours at work got cut …’ I stop abruptly.
    Christ, it sounds even direr than I thought it was when I say it out loud. I’ve read about people like me. I’m one of those people that cause delays on the Underground. We’re experiencing delays due to person under a train. I’ve got nowhere to live, and nothing to live for.
    ‘Crikey. So you’ve been left without a pot to piss in so to speak?’
    That’s one way of putting it.
    ‘Charlie did rather leave me in the lurch.’
    She nods.
    ‘He sounds a right Charlie if you don’t mind me saying.’
    I don’t as it happens.
    ‘Crikey and now you’re lumbered with Edward. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to bits but this farming idea is …’ she breaks off, ‘Listen to me being the village gossip.’
    Heavens, I hope I’ve not been slagging o ff my new boss to his girlfriend. She might have said something. What was I thinking of letting Casper and Georgie talk me into taking this job? The thought of Casper reminds me I haven’t sent Georgie an I’ve arrived here safe text. Oh my God, knowing those two they will be convinced I’ve been involved in some multiple pile-up and will be on the phone to the police already.
    ‘I must text my friend to let her know I am safe. Otherwise she’ll be worried sick.’
    ‘You won’t get a signal here. You’ll have to go to End Field to get any. Use Ted’s phone, he won’t mind.’
    Where the hell is End Field when