Free Ghouls Just Want to Have Fun by Kathleen Bacus Page B

generally grossed me out--I hadn't had time to eat more than a handful of candy corn as I'd hoofed it by the refreshment table. I bid adieu to my latest dance partner, Michael Jackson, thinking he needed a few more lessons. "Michael" had spent the better part of the dance walking on my toes rather than on the moon.
    I thanked him for the experience and hurried to the refreshment table. Nabbing a cold can of pop from the cooler, I placed it against my fevered forehead. "Aaaah!" I was sweating worse than the guy wearing the furry-lined parka who'd come dressed as Nanook of the North. I eyeballed the goody table, trying to decide what I wanted first. I frowned as my gaze took in carrot sticks, broccoli, cauliflower and low-fat dip. Bran muffins and fake butter! Whole-wheat crackers with the butt-ugliest cheese ball I'd ever seen, and cookies made from what looked suspiciously like shredded wheat.
    "Hello. What the heck kind of Halloween spread is this?" I asked to no one in particular.
    "The kind meant for folks with hypertension, diabetes and congestive heart failure," Townsend said from behind me.
    "I thought you were Sinbad the Sailor, not Dr. Jekyll," I said, yanking my witch nose down to hang like a freaky green necklace. I pulled the tab on my soda can and took a long swig. "Ugh!" I looked at the can. "Sugar- and caffeine-free! No wonder it tastes like cough medicine." I set the can down.
    "Have you had an opportunity to speak with your grandmother, Tressa?" Rick asked, grabbing a carrot and dipping it in the low-cal ranch dressing. I gave him a look.
    "What's the rush?" I asked. "It's not as if she can get pregnant." I chuckled.
    Townsend didn't appear to see the humor in my jest.
    "It's just that the longer we wait, the harder it will be for them both to take a step back. Slow things up a bit. Gain some perspective."
    Townsend had been in his pirate garb too long. He was already going off the deep end. The last time my gramma had taken a step back was when she walked into an elephant's behind at the Shrine Circus.
    "I think you're overreacting just a bit, Townsend. What harm can the two of them getting cozy really do?"
    Townsend gave me an are-you-for-real look.
    "Are you forgetting the Keystone Kop comedy of errors at the lake last June? Or the fair fiasco? Hell, just last week my granddad asked me if I knew of any divorce attorneys who needed investigators to get the goods on cheating spouses, and wanted to know if I knew where he could get hold of a stun gun real cheap."
    I winced. This was probably not the time to tell Townsend I'd caught my gramma on www.security 4seniors.com. "At least they've ratcheted down the firepower from real guns to nonfatal electrical charges," I said. "That's a good sign, isn't it?" I asked.
    "Talk to your grandmother, Tressa," Townsend warned. "Or I will."
    I was hurt by Townsend's heated opposition to the idea that his granddad and my grandmother might actually hook up. And more than a little indignant. Where did he get off dictating who his grandfather spent his time with? Who was he, Match.com?
    "Don't worry, Townsend," I said, spotting what looked like honest-to-goodness turkey sandwiches--albeit on whole grain bread--down at the other end of the table. "I'll do my best to keep my dangerous, designing woman of a grandmother away from your dear old grandpappy. And I'd appreciate it if you would return the favor. In case you hadn't noticed, the bulk of this romantic pursuit has come from a Townsend-powered vessel, el capitan. Permission to fill my face, sir?" I performed a cockeyed salute and made my way to the turkey sandwiches.
    They weren't so bad. Not after I slathered them with one-third-less-fat cream cheese and dipped them in the lite ranch dressing three or four times. I was working on a triple-decker creation when I caught a whiff of the unmistakable scent of Polident. Not surprising. The room reeked of it. That and Absorbine Junior.
    "Havin' a good time, girlie?" Joe asked.
    I