Free The Universe Twister by Keith Laumer, edited by Eric Flint Page A

bending the knee," she said, looking at him expectantly.
    "Well, now that you mention it, where I come from, I don't have to kneel to anybody."
    Adoranne gasped. "I knew it! How exciting! Tell me, Lafayette, where is your country? Not to the east, for there's naught but ocean there, and to the west lies only the desert stronghold of Lod."
    "No fair to try to worm my secrets out of me," Lafayette said waggishly. "It's more fun if I'm mysterious."
    "Very well, but promise me that when you reveal yourself, it will be first to me."
    "You can count on that, honey," Lafayette assured her.
    "Honey?"
    "You know, sweet stuff."
    Adoranne giggled. "Lafayette, you have the cutest way of putting things!"
    "That's one of the nice things about being here," he said. "Usually I'm pretty dumb when it comes to light conversation."
    "Lafayette, you're trying to cozen me! I'll wager there's never a moment when you're at a loss for words."
    "Oh, there have been some moments. When the musketeers came to arrest me, for example. I'd been having a few quick ones with somebody called the Red Bull—"
    Adoranne gasped. "You mean the infamous cutpurse and smuggler?"
    "He seemed to have some illegal ideas, all right. A reflection of the anarchist in me, I suppose."
    "And they arrested you!" Adoranne giggled. "Lafayette, you might have been lodged in a dungeon!"
    "Oh, well, I've been in worse places."
    "What thrilling adventures you must have had! A prince, wandering incognito—"
    The music stopped with a clatter as though the players had tossed their instruments into a pile. Everybody clapped, calling for more. Count Alain shouldered past O'Leary, ducking his head to the princess.
    "Adoranne, dare I crave the honor of the next?"
    "Sorry, Al, she's taken," Lafayette took the girl's hand, started past the count, who pivoted to face him.
    "'Twas not your leave I spoke for, witling!" he hissed. "I warn you, begone before I lose my temper!"
    "Look, Al, I'm getting a little tired of this," Lafayette said. "Every time I'm on the verge of having an interesting chat with Adoranne, you butt in."
    "Aye! a greater dullard even than yourself should see when his company's not wanted. Now get ye gone!" People were staring now as the count's voice rose.
    "Alain!" Adoranne looked at him with a shocked expression. "You mustn't speak that way to . . . to . . . a guest," she finished.
    "A guest? A hired adventurer, by all accounts! How dare you lay a hand on the person of the Princess Royal!"
    "Alain, why can't you two be friends?" Adoranne appealed. "After all, Sir Lafayette is sworn to perform a great service to the crown."
    "His kind finds it easy to talk of great deeds," Alain snapped, "but when the hour comes for action—"
    "I notice you didn't volunteer, Al," O'Leary pointed out. "You look like a big strong boy—"
    "Strong enough to break your head. As for dragon slaying, neither I nor any other man can face a monster bigger than a mountain, armored and fanged—"
    "How do you know he's armored and fanged? Have you seen him?"
    "No, but 'tis common knowledge—"
    "Uh-huh. Well, Alain, you run along now. After I've killed this dragon I'll let you come out with a tape measure and see just how big he is—unless you're too shy, that is."
    "Shy, eh!" The count's well chiseled features scowled two inches from Lafayette's nose. "I'm not too shy to play a tattoo on your ill-favored hide, a-horse or afoot!"
    "Count Alain!" Adoranne's cool voice was low but it carried a snap of authority. "Mend your manners, sir!"
    "My manners!" Alain glared at O'Leary. "This fellow has the manners of a swineherd! And the martial skill as well, I'll wager!"
    "Oh, I don't know, Al," O'Leary said casually. "I've done a bit of reading on karate, aikido, judo—"
    "These are weapons I know not," Alain grated. "What do you know of the broadsword, the poniard, the mace? Or the quarterstaff, the lance—"
    "Crude," Lafayette said. "Very crude. I find the art of fencing a much more gentlemanly