Free The Barker's Dozen - Reminiscences of an Early Police Dog by Robert Warr

caught his first fish. I do not really know what it was but it was cooked for breakfast as soon as we returned to the inn. We were by the river that first morning for about two hours. It was a peaceful, happy time.
    All too soon, we returned to the inn where, as I have said, the fish was cooked.  The landlady, as I recall, called it ‘a real bigun’, a type of fish of which I had not previously heard. The fish smelt good, but I did not really care for it since fish does not have rinds like bacon or ends like sausages. My master, however, was delighted.
    Your uncle got ready and we went to church.  As normal, my master went into the building while I lay down by the lychgate.  It did not take long before I fell into a delightful sleep. I was awakened from my slumbers by the sound of two men talking inside the gate. These two men smelt quite peculiarly of pitch and fish. These are distinct smells and ones that you would associate with a fishing port rather than a country churchyard.
    ‘Agnes tells me that there is a policeman staying at the Lion, and she says that he has come to spy on us.’ the first voice hissed.
    ‘He has come down for some fishing,’ replied the second voice. ‘He is apparently a famous London detective.  The likes of him won’t be interested in small fry like us.’
    ‘I still don’t like it,’ the first voice said. ‘I think that he should have an accident and drown. The river runs faster and deeper than outsiders would credit.’
    ‘Stop that talk. Do you want to give that Inspector Pendle an excuse to nose around here?’ the second voice remonstrated.
    There was a pause during which the first man shuffled his feet and mumbled something.
    ‘I thought not,’ continued the second voice. ‘If we want to get rid of him, all we have to do is give his silly -looking dog a piece of the poisoned bait that John uses. If his dog dies he’ll soon abandon his holiday.’
    You can imagine how I felt on hearing this. There were real serpents in this Garden of Eden. I could not believe that anyone would contemplate poisoning me to get rid of your uncle.  I vowed then not to eat anything that my master did not give me. I have kept to this decision whenever we have been on an investigation and I believe that it has saved my life on several occasions. The only time that I forgot this rule, I ended up being poisoned with a strychnined Stilton.
    I kept still and hoped that they wouldn’t see me. I may be faster but I am not as strong as two fully-grown men. On balance, it is never a good idea to give the ungodly an easy opportunity.
    The service finished at last and it was all I could do to wait patiently for my master as he spoke to the vicar and several of the locals.  We returned to the inn, for an enjoyable lunch, before venturing out for an afternoon’s fishing.  While we were enjoying some bread and cheese and the local ale, I received my second shock of the day. The landlady was called Agnes and she was the one currently providing my suppers. If she was a confederate of those two men at the church, I was quite likely doomed. It was about this time that I remembered that your uncle was not involved in any investigation, so there was no reason for anyone to kill me. I was, however, greatly relieved when we collected the fishing tackle and headed for the river.
    The river at Lower Swineford is one of those slow rivers that gradually meander their way down to the sea. It has steep banks with small gravel beaches at the outermost part of each of the curves. The river is generally deeper towards the inside of each bend, and it is here that fish lurk in deep pools. The river is graced with several large boulders that sit in mid-stream.
    On the village side of the river, the land is mainly given over to farmland and there is a thin screen of willows along the top of the bank. There is one wood on this side of the river downstream of the village, known locally as Staine’s Wood. Your uncle found out