Free Into the Tomorrows (Bleeding Hearts Book 1) by Whitney Barbetti

it if she hasn’t experienced it?”
    Colin turned to me and seemed almost reluctant in his invitation. “Come camping with us.” It certainly didn’t have the same effect that it had when Jude had said it.
    I took a bite of the bacon, chewed thoughtfully. “Well, I might as well.” I swallowed and looked him in the eyes. “Since I just came all this way for you.”
    Colin turned away from me then, his absence replaced the arm he’d had around my shoulders and I suddenly wondered if I’d agreed to go camping in haste.
    In the six years since Colin and I had started dating, we’d never actually lived together or done any kind of activities for an extended period of time. Going camping meant twenty-four-seven time with one another. It would be the first test of whether or not we could fix us.
    Which was probably why Colin hesitated inviting me.

    * * *
    C olin took me shopping , having me try on gear and feel sleeping bags and even though we were inches apart the entire time, I could feel the frigid blast from the emotional distance he’d put between us. Somewhere between canteens and bug spray, I put my hand on his arm.
    “Did you not want me to come?”
    He looked at my arm and sighed. I swore I felt his arm relax under my fingers. “What if you’re miserable?”
    “Well, what did you expect me to do for three days while you were gone?”
    He shrugged. “I figured you’d get a much-needed break from me.”
    “Break? I’ve been here a whole day.”
    “We haven’t spent any considerable amount of time together since high school. You might get sick of me.” He turned to me and looked genuinely worried. “What if you hate camping?”
    “Then I go home.”
    He raised an eyebrow. “Home?”
    I knew he was asking where was home for me now that I was more or less a vagabond at the moment. I shrugged. “I don’t know where home is yet.” Colin threw a handful of things into the cart and continued on. “Mila seems cool,” I casually said.
    He looked at me, searching my face as if he anticipated something else. “Yeah, she is.” He looked down at the flashlight he held, reading its packaging. “But she’s too busy working to go camping this weekend.”
    “Does she go a lot? With you guys, I mean?”
    Colin didn’t look up from the flashlight, just grabbed batteries from beside it and checked the packaging again. “I guess. Usually.”
    “You’re preoccupied.” It was an observation, not a question, but he answered it anyway.
    “I love camping,” he burst out, dropping the flashlight and batteries into the cart.
    “Okay…?”
    “And if you hate it…” his voice trailed off and he ran a hand through his hair. “Well. If you hate it, we’ll figure it out.” He steered the cart toward the front of the store. “Maybe you have some adventurer in you. Regardless, if you come up the mountain with me, you won’t be able to say you don’t know me well.”
    I didn’t know him well now. So I hoped he was right.
    “And if I don’t like what I see?”
    He seemed genuinely perturbed by the idea, his blue-green eyes dulling in their brightness. “Then we’ll figure it out, like I said.”
    But that’s not what he’d wanted to say, I knew. He wanted to tell me that we wouldn’t work, which wasn’t surprising to me at the moment. So much was wrong between us that I couldn’t see what was right.
    “We can always be friends,” I said softly.
    He wouldn’t look at me then, just quietly led me to checkout and swiped his card before I could pull out cash for my purchases. It wasn’t until he was loading his Jeep with our purchases that he said, “Friends aren’t in love with one another.”
    I nodded, but said nothing. What could I say?
    If Ellie hadn’t died, would we have stayed together?
    If you could go back in time, would you have chosen me again?
    And, the question that plagued me the most: What if you find out, that while I love you, I’m not in love with you?
    The questions would