Free The Hacker and the Ants by Rudy Rucker

her head and moaning. Tom and Ida were at the bedroom door, looking terribly upset and worried.
    â€œIt’s okay, kids,” I called. “I was showing cyberspace to this lady and it made her feel sick.”
    â€œShe’s naked,” said Ida.
    â€œIt’s okay. Go down to the kitchen and get a snack. Everything’s okay.”
    â€œNothing’s okay,” yelled Ida. “I’m going to tell Ma!” She slammed my door shut.
    Gretchen was curled up on her side, facing away from the sun porch and staring at the wall. She’d stopped sobbing and was taking low, steady breaths.
    â€œWhat can I get you?”
    â€œGet away from me,” she said quietly. “You creep. You sick creep.”
    â€œI didn’t know the ants would come out at you,” I said. “I’m sorry it happened. It’s not my fault. I really like you, Gretchen, I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
    Heartened by rage, she sat up and began to dress. “I
ought to sue you,” she said. “And what are you doing bringing your kids in here to stare at me? Call me a cab.”
    â€œI don’t think they have cabs in Los Perros, Gretchen. Let me drive you.”
    â€œI want a cab, and I want cab fare. I want four hundred dollars.”
    â€œIs it money you’re after? Is that why you came home with me? I hate to tell you, Gretchen, but all I have is a twenty.”
    She took a lipstick and compact out of her purse and made up her mouth. “Then write me a check. And, no, I didn’t come up here for money, and I resent your implications. But after putting those sick bugs on me, you owe me something. How would you like it if I went to the police?”
    â€œAnd told them what? That you got scared by something you saw on my computer?”
    â€œNo, Jerzy, what if I told them that you got your children to watch us being sexually intimate together? How do you think that would play?”
    â€œHey, come on now, don’t be ridiculous,” I said, meanwhile thinking Heeeelp!
    If you get involved with any kind of charge combining sex and children in the courts, you’re totally screwed forever, especially in California. I needed to get Gretchen back on my side, but if I wrote her a check, I’d lose my deniability. Deniability; Christ, she had me thinking like a lawyer. All this hassle just to get laid? Maybe feely-blank love-dolls were the way to go. I sighed and started talking.
    â€œI won’t write you a check because, first of all, I’m not going to be blackmailed on bullshit charges, and, second of all, if I wrote a check it would bounce. I don’t get paid till Friday.” I hunkered down beside the bed to put my face at her level. “Be reasonable, honey. We like each
other. Remember how good we made each other feel? Calm down, Gretchen, give me your phone number, and this weekend I’II take you out wherever you want.”
    â€œSan Francisco?”
    â€œNo problem. We’ll get a room at the Mark Hopkins Hotel on Nob Hill. Shopping in Union Square, dinner in North Beach, hit some music clubs—it’ll be my pleasure, Gretchen. I like you!”
    Abruptly she pushed her face forward and gave me a peck on the cheek. “I like you, too, Jerzy. But now take me back to the Roasting. I’m too embarrassed to stay here just now.”
    So I ferried her back down the hill, she gave me her number, and I told her I’d call later in the week to fix our plans.

THREE
    The Antland of Fnoor
    W HEN I GOT HOME, THE CHILDREN CAME up from the kitchen.
    â€œOkay,” I said to them. “So I had a girlfriend over.”
    â€œYou didn’t even introduce us,” said Ida.
    â€œHer name is Gretchen. She was mad because I tried to show her cyberspace and it was full of ants. And then she was embarrassed because you saw her naked. Mommy has a boyfriend, doesn’t she? Why can’t I have a friend over?”
    â€œI wish you