Free Holier Than Thou (The Tome of Bill) by Rick Gualtieri Page A

feel slightly better.
    “That is a relief to hear,” James replied.
    “Hold on,” I cried, unmuting the phone. “That’s it? He says he didn’t blow up the loft and you just take him at his word?”
    “Dr. Death...”
    “Perhaps it would behoove you to listen, you idiotic abomination,” Decker explained. “I didn’t say we had nothing to do with leveling that murderous hive of filth. I simply replied to the question at hand...we were not trying to kill you.”
    There was silence from all parties on the line. I wasn’t sure what Decker was trying to say other than to announce he had just gotten off the train at Crazy Town.
    Sally’s mouth opened, but I quickly waved her off. Whatever had been on the tip of her tongue was doubtlessly less than diplomatic. If anything, she probably liked being flash-fried even less than I did.
    Finally James spoke again, his tone stern. “I’m not sure I follow, Mr. Decker. Please explain yourself.”
    “I need explain nothing. I am a dead man walking. We all are. My fate, as that of all the magical covens, is at hand. The future cannot be rewritten, but I can make sure that those who have had a hand in it shall suffer.”
    “And why is that?” James asked.
    “Is it not as plain as the fangs hanging from your mouth?” Decker spat. “The signs are all there. Death looms over us all. The Icon has risen.”
    Oh fuck.
     

Party Crashers
     
    “The Icon!” Colin exclaimed.
    Oh shit. I was afraid of this.
    “Calm down, Colin,” James replied. There was an edge in his voice that hadn’t previously been there. The vampire nation was preparing for war against the Feet. Yeah, that sounds stupid to me too, but what are you gonna do? Primal powers that had long lain dormant would most likely join in the fray. We were potentially looking at a global supernatural showdown that would make the battle of Helms Deep look like a slap fight in comparison. The Icon was the last person that any vampire...other than me, maybe...wanted to meet. Outside of sunlight, silver, and stakes to the heart, vamps are pretty damn tough to kill. It shows in their general everyday arrogance. To introduce a wildcard now, one that could potentially turn a legion of vampires to dust with but a touch of her hand, was a recipe for widespread panic - right when the vampire nation needed it least.
    “We’re aware of the prophesy, Mr. Decker. However, our own seers have...”
    “Then they are as useless as that beast and the diseased harlot with whom we are speaking.”
    “I am so gonna rip your lungs out through your asshole, you fucking little weasel!” Yep, that’s Sally. Try to kill her, and she’ll hold her tongue. Call her names and she loses it.
    “Everyone, please!” James shouted, attempting to regain control. “Mr. Decker, I apologize for the outbursts. Please indulge us with what you were saying.”
    “The Icon lives, vampire,” Decker hissed. “My people have seen it. The portents do not lie. We have double and triple checked them.”
    “Did you find out who’s naughty and who’s nice?” Sally sniffed.
    “Laugh if you wish, trollop. You know as well as I do that the Icon brings nothing but death. My kind is doomed by its coming, but do not think yours is immune. How many of the undead shall burn at its touch?”
    I gotta say, I was starting to take a little offense to his constant referring to the Icon as an it . Thankfully, before the words could spill out of my mouth, I remembered what a monumentally bad idea it would be to correct him.
    Even worse was the fact that Decker knew Sheila from our workplace. Hell, the asshole had once gone out on a date with her. If he had known back then her potential...well, who knows how that night would have played out? As it was, it ended fairly explosively thanks in part to Gan’s presence. Little did I know back then that so many pieces of the fucked up puzzle of my life were in such close proximity.
    Sally snapped her fingers in front of my