Free The Intern Blues by Robert Marion

depleted, leading to swelling of the body. The face, especially the area around the eyes, is typically the first area affected in children. The disorder usually is self-limited; it is treated with steroids and usually resolves in weeks.] For God’s sake, even I could’ve made the diagnosis! So we admitted him, I called a renal consult, and we started him on ’roids [internese for steroids] .
    One of Elizabeth’s patients almost got kidnapped two days ago. This three-year-old had been brought to the hospital by her aunt last week. The kid had a couple of episodes of blacking out while the aunt was baby-sitting for him. A whole workup was done and everything was negative except the tox screen [toxicology screen, a blood and urine test looking for toxic substances in the system], which was positive for alcohol. So social service started an investigation. The mother and her boyfriend showed up on Tuesday at noon, and after visiting with the kid for a while, asked to speak to the doctor. Elizabeth showed up and they asked her how the baby was doing. Elizabeth said that he was fine, and before she could say another word, the mother said, “If he’s fine, I want to take him home.”
    So Elizabeth told her he couldn’t leave yet, that tests were still pending and that, for the sake of the child’s health, he’d have to stay at least one more night. Then the mother started yelling that if her baby was fine, the only thing that could happen to him in the hospital is that he could get sick, which was actually a good point, and she picked the kid up and started moving toward the elevator.
    At that point, we all moved in. Someone called security stat [immediately], and within a minute a phalanx of Mount Scopus’s finest emerged from the elevator bank and we had a standoff. The mother held on to the kid tight and shouted, “I don’t want my baby in this fucking hospital!” at the top of her lungs, which went a long way to put most of the other parents on the floor at ease. Next she yelled, “I know what’s best for my own fucking kid! If he’s fine, I’m taking him home! Just try to stop me!”
    Attendings, house staff, administrators, and more security guards started to show up. The mother and her boyfriend got madder and madder. The boyfriend finally said, “We’re taking the kid out of here! If you don’t like it, you might as well shoot us in the back, ’cause we’re going!” The kid was screaming at the top of his lungs while this was going on.
    The whole thing lasted about a half hour. It ended when an administrator, obviously someone who had majored in psychology and guerrilla warfare in administrator school, showed up and firmly told them that maybe they’d like to talk the whole thing over in the conference room. For some reason, the mother agreed and she, the baby, and the boyfriend headed off with him. I think our suspicions about the parents were correct. The BCW [Bureau of Child Welfare, the state agency charged with investigating child abuse] probably will be interested in doing an investigation.
    I’ve nodded off to sleep three times while recording this. I think it’s time to stop.
    Wednesday, July 17, 1985
    I’m a little more coherent tonight, I think. Nothing much is happening. Elizabeth’s patient whose parents tried to kidnap him got sent home by Social Service last Friday. In their infinite wisdom, they cleared the family in two days. I’ve got a bad feeling about this family. I hope I’m wrong.
    My patient with nephrotic syndrome is doing much better. Most of the swelling is gone, and he doesn’t look so much like Buddha anymore. Those steroids are amazing! We’re going to send him home in a few days; renal will follow him as an out-patient. They say his prognosis is excellent. The mother asked me if all this means he’s not allergic to trees. I told her I thought it probably would