Free Mrs. Yonkers Is Bonkers! by Dan Gutman Page B

****
    â€œCould you possibly be any more boring?” I asked her.
    â€œYou’ll feel a lot better once you start eating less junk food,” Mrs. Cooney told us.
    â€œHow about we give up vegetables instead?” I suggested.
    â€œArlo, you probably never even tasted a vegetable,” said Andrea.
    â€œI did too,” I told her. “I tasted one once. Then I spit it out.”
    My friend Billy who lives around the corner told me that if you eat too many vegetables, you get a disease called vegetitus. So I stay away from that stuff. Besides, green is a weird color. It’s the same color as boogers. You shouldn’t eat stuff that’s green. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    I was so depressed about ‘Say Good-bye to Sugar’ that I could hardly payattention during social studies, math, reading, and science. I wasn’t even excited when Miss Daisy announced that it was time to go to the computer lab to see Mrs. Yonkers. All I could think about was soda pop and junk food.
    We had to walk a million hundred miles to the computer lab. It’s in a trailer in the back of the parking lot, near the woods.
    We walked up the ramp to the trailer.
    We opened the door.
    And you’ll never believe what we saw in there.

3
Emily Is a Giant Hamster
    There were a bunch of computers in the computer lab, of course! What did you expect to see in a computer lab? Man, are you dumb!
    But there was something else in the computer lab, too. It was a wheel, like one of those wheels you see in a hamstercage. Except this one was six feet tall!
    â€œHowdy, y’all!” Mrs. Yonkers said when we opened the door. She wasn’t wearing her cheese head anymore. Instead, she was dressed in a jogging outfit and she had on a cowboy hat.
    â€œWow!” I said. “That’s a big wheel!”
    â€œEverything is bigger in Texas,” said Mrs. Yonkers.
    â€œWhat does it do?” asked Emily.
    â€œIt generates electricity. When I run inside the wheel, it powers the computer.”
    â€œWhy not just plug the computer into the wall socket?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    â€œThis saves energy,” Mrs. Yonkersexplained. “You burn less oil, and you have lower electric bills. Plus, I get exercise. It’s a win-win!”
    â€œIt’s cool!” we all agreed.
    Mrs. Yonkers told us that she likes to use technology to solve problems. She even started her own computer company called NERD—New Electronic Research Development.
    Mrs. Yonkers showed us a virtual reality helmet, night vision goggles, and some other cool stuff she invented.
    â€œAnd here is a founding member of the company,” she said as she pulled a big turtle out of a cage. “This is my friend Speedy.”
    â€œHe’s adorable!” said Andrea, who never misses the chance to brownnose a grown-up.
    â€œWhat’s that thing on his back?” asked Ryan.
    â€œIt’s a tiny camera,” said Mrs. Yonkers. “I call it Turtle Cam. While Speedy moves around the room, we’ll be able to followhis progress on my website.”

    â€œCan we see how it works?” asked Michael.
    â€œI’m still ironing out the bugs,” said Mrs. Yonkers.
    â€œPlease? Please? Please? Please?” everybody begged.
    If you want anything from a grown-up, all you have to do is say “Please” until they can’t stand it anymore. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    â€œWell…okay,” Mrs. Yonkers said, putting Speedy on the floor. “Who wants to run on the wheel to turn on the computer?”
    â€œMe! Me! Me! Me!” everybody yelled.
    Mrs. Yonkers did eenie meenie mineymoe. The last moe was Emily, the lucky stiff.
    Emily climbed inside the wheel and started running. The wheel turned around, but the computer didn’t turn on because Emily runs about as fast as Speedy the turtle.
    â€œFaster, Emily! Faster!” we all yelled.
    The computer screen