Free Monkey Business by John Rolfe, Peter Troob Page A

code-named Kinetic II. All of Bubbles’s new business hunts had code names because
     in his eyes it heightened the air of mystery and secrecy surrounding the projects. He believed that everybody was trying to
     steal his ideas, and this drove him to swear all junior bankers with whom he worked to total secrecy. In Bubbles’s mind, competitors
     were even trying to tap into his cellular phone conversations to get a leg up on his professional endeavors. Any conversation
     with Bubbles that he was conducting from his cellular phone or from an airplane took place only under the strictest of rules.
     Company names could never be used; code names were used instead. This led to frequent conversations that, taken out of context,
     sounded positively ludicrous. For instance:

    “Hi, it’s Bill. I’ve been thinking, why don’t we look at a scenario where Big Bear acquires Pumpernickel Dough’s Butterbean
     division?”
    “Okay, Bill, but what should I assume happens with Pumpernickel Dough’s Tinkerbell division?”
    “Assume it gets rolled up into Big Bear’s Claw division.”
    “You got it, Bill.”
    It was like listening to Warren Buffet on acid.
    Kinetic II was, not surprisingly, the descendant of Kinetic I, a pitch that Slick had initially spearheaded with the help
     of both a full-time associate, Brian Goldfarb, and an analyst, Adam Davis. Both Kinetic I and Kinetic II were designed as
     generic pitches that could be made to any of the big financial buyers. Like a two-dollar whore, Kinetic I had made the financial
     buyer rounds on Wall Street. Bubbles had pitched Kinetic I to the likes of Forstman Little, Oaktree, KKR, and Kelso & Co.,
     all of whom were significant players in the leveraged buyout business. Although none of them had been tempted by the bait,
     Bubbles had been emboldened by his first trip round the Street to take another shot at the stars. And so, the beast that would
     become Kinetic II was born.
    Kinetic II, as conceived by Bubbles, was considerably more ambitious than Kinetic I. Whereas Kinetic I had included profiles
     of just ten companies, this number would be doubled to an even twenty for Kinetic II. And with a doubling of the pitch’s inherent
     size, additional staffing resources would be needed to bring the behemoth in on schedule.
    Rolfe had established his reputation early on in the summer as master of the pitches. The luck of the drawhad ensured that he got no live deal experience but instead a wealth of seasoning in new business initiatives. In an attempt
     to turn this apparent sow’s ear into a silk purse, Rolfe had decided that if he were to be relegated solely to producing pitches,
     then he’d bring his entire arsenal of capabilities to bear on development of the most awesome set of pitch-making abilities
     that any DLJ summer associate had ever commanded. It was no surprise, therefore, that he was the one chosen to augment the
     original Kinetic I pitch team for the genesis of Kinetic II. With his addition, the team stood at five: Bubbles, Goldfarb,
     Slick, Rolfe, and Adam. When Bubbles called the shots, they all jumped. The problem was that with a full-time associate, two
     summer associates, and a senior analyst all on the same team there were effectively four junior bankers who were all fairly
     close to each other in the DLJ hierarchy. This circumstance, coupled with the general loathing and disrespect that they all
     had incubated for Bubbles, led to a dynamic whereby none of them wanted to take ownership of the project and drive the process
     toward completion.
    Goldfarb was busy on a real deal and Adam was as elusive as a fox, so as luck would have it, Rolfe and Slick became the Kinetic
     II go-to guys. Kinetic II went through so many rewrites and drafts that the latest version was rarely ever more than two hours
     old.
    As the day approached for the first presentation of the Kinetic II pitch book to one of the financial buyers, the level of
     frenzy surrounding the