Free Fur Coat No Knickers by C. B. Martin Page B

flicking on the bedroom light, hoping to annoy Laura as much as she had annoyed me.
    I mean, I needed her. I wanted to talk through the entire ‘if, but and maybe’ scenarios. But no . I just got ignored by everyone .
    Laura was by now comatose and didn't even flinch during my continued hissy fit. I deviously ripped out pages from her precious book, doodled some willies in it and switched on the sidelight, aiming the bulb directly in her face for good measure.
    Suddenly, I had an attack of conscience and pulled the bulb away in case it burned Laura. It hadn’t made me feel any better anyway.
    By now I was completely fed-up. I pulled my suitcase down the stairs and flopped on the couch staring at the flashing Christmas tree lights in deep thought. I felt so utterly miserable.
    The throbbing pain in my arse from that bloody thong was now being diverted directly to my heart. I threw my skyscraper shoes at the wall, pulled off my skintight jeans and released the offending thong. Then, in a childish fit of petulance, I proceeded to jump up and down on the pathetic pile of clothes like a lunatic. All the while, I recited every obscenity I could think of. Strangely, it didn’t make me feel any better at all. For the want of any better way to react to what was clearly the ruin of my whole life, I pulled on my inside-out, back-to-front PJs, thought of a few more obscenities and started ranting again.
    I threw some things into my case and cursed mysel f for not taking Travis’ number so I could give him a piece of my mind. Who did he think he was? The gobshite!
    I decided  to try and get some sleep. I lay on the couch and drifted, keeping my phone under the cushion, just in case.
    It felt like I’ d only been asleep for a minute when it was time to get up. Of course, the first thing I did was to check my phone. Nothing. I felt like such a fool. Thank God I hadn’t slept with him!
    I felt exhausted and was dreading my miserable journey home. As I threw on some creased, mismatched clothes, I kept having flashbacks from the night before. Retrieving my scattered outfit after last night’s episode, I couldn’t stop myself thinking these clothes were up against that gorgeous hunk last night. What a wanker!
    As I finished throwing t he rest of my belongings into the case, I started to feel pretty foolish and embarrassed for getting so carried away.
    ‘Ah sure, are you really going to leave looking like that?’ mum asked, as she fussed about, tucking extra stuff into my bag (including what looked like a full packed lunch). She never did trust airlines to feed me properly. She spun around to face me, ‘you look like you've been dragged through a hedge arse-ways. Will you not even run a comb ‘trew your hair, child? And you’ve still got your disco makeup on… let me get that for you, pet.’
    With that, mum advanced towards me with her thumb, dripping with saliva.
    ‘Oh god… mum… no, don’t!’ I squealed, backing up in horror. ‘I couldn’t give two shites how I look right now!’
    Mum look ed offended, but luckily, before she could reproach me, Laura interrupted:
    ‘ Tara, you’re going to have to shift that arse of yours if I’m dropping you at the airport,’ she shouted over her shoulder as she made determinedly to her car. ‘I’ll be late for work otherwise.’
    I could barely conceal my growing temper as I yelled back. ‘Look - I can’t find my Jimmy Choo pumps… Mum, have you seen them? … KATIE ! Have you had them?!’
    I wouldn’t have put it past that little sister of mine to have them on eBay as quick as a flash to raise cash to feed her nasal hobby.
    ‘Now don’t you be blaming the child, Lord knows you’d blame her if it were raining!’ interrupted mum whilst wagging her finger at me. Katie, who was leaning on the doorframe looking smug, seemed to be enjoying my discomfort. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of saying anything, so I became determined to leave immediately, missing