Free Unhinged by Shelley R. Pickens

feel
the doors begin to shake as they open. As soon as I’m able, I run
through the slight opening and out the front doors to breathe in
the blessed cool night air. I head straight to the bushes and throw
up, the horror of today too much for me. I try to catch my breath
as my stomach heaves piles of bile out of my body, but it's no use.
I can’t stop. It’s as if my body is trying its best to purge the
evil that resides not only within me, but also in this hospital. I
feel a droplet touch my hand and realize that my face is wet from
tears I didn’t even know I was shedding. The unfairness that seems
to define life is too much for me to bear.
    I feel Logan place his hand on my back and
whisper my name softly, but I don’t recognize it. Though I wish he
wasn’t here to see me break down, I realize that despite my best
attempts to push him away, he has always has been here for me, and
it is my fervent hope that he always will be. He is my reason to
get up in the morning, my rock that stands firm and steadfast
through the churning, violent sea that is my life. It’s for him
that I choose not to let everything in this life break me. He’s
seen me worse, I know, but I was hoping that was over. I dared to
hope that from the moment I kissed him in the dark dungeon of
torture all those months ago, he would only see my best.
    “What can I do to help you, Aim?” asks Logan
as he strokes my hair, the powerlessness we both feel evident in
his voice.
    “I wish I knew, Logan. I wish I knew,” I
respond sadly from my bent over position in front of the bushes. As
tears fall from my eyes, I let the hopelessness consume me. I have
no more strength to fight it. In the past few days, I have seen
more bloodshed and heartache than I ever thought possible in a
sleepy little town outside of Atlanta. This was supposed to be my
safe haven, the place where the boy with no memories could never
find me. Instead, it has turned into an inferno with no apparent
escape. And the next victim could be anybody.
    “I need to check on Dejana,” I say to Logan.
“She wasn’t feeling well earlier and after all that has happened
today, she could use a friend as much as I could. There’s nothing
more we can do for Mary tonight anyway.”
    “Agreed,” states Logan as he bends down and
helps me up from the ground. “I would feel much better if you
stayed with her tonight anyway. With all that’s been happening
lately, it may be better to stay in groups.”
    Though I honestly can’t decipher his
reasoning regarding group safety, I don’t argue with Logan. The
thought of returning home tonight scares the crap out of me. As we
walk together hand in hand back through the parking lot, we agree
it’s best to leave Mary’s car at the hospital. We slide into
Logan’s vehicle and head toward Dejana’s house. I look at the clock
on my phone and see that it’s barely five past nine at night, still
early enough for Dejana to be up. I send her a quick text to let
her know we’re coming and then lie back in the seat and let the
mental exhaustion take over. I don’t think at all; I just let the
sway of the car calm me. Logan must be deep within his own thoughts
because he too says nothing. Before long, we arrive at Dejana’s
house and pull into the driveway. There are lights on in the den
and kitchen and the only car I see in her driveway is hers.
    Logan and I get out of the car and make our
way to the front door. I ring the doorbell and wait a few seconds,
listening for movement within. After hearing none, I ring the
doorbell again. Maybe she’s asleep? Logan lifts his right hand and
knocks loudly on the door. Still we hear nothing. Certain that
Dejana just fell asleep on the couch, I turn to leave. The last
thing I want to do is disturb her. I grab Logan’s arm and pull him
down the steps back towards his car. I have no plan, I just know
that after what happened today, Dejana probably needs her sleep
more than she needs a visit from me. We are half way