Free Doppler by Erlend Loe Page A

and alcohol.
    Tell me about your occupation, I say.
    There’s not much to say, he says.
    I don’t believe you, I say. You break into houses and steal people’s things. You must be able to tell me something about it.
    Well, he says, taking a swig. I try to do it in a decent way. I recce first and only enter where I know there’s something worth having. I don’t touch personal items. Never break anything. I know how unpleasant it is when burglars have been in people’s houses and turned everything upside down. Of course I know some who do that, but I’ve always distanced myself from that kind of behaviour. By the way, is it alright if I smoke?
    Smoke away, I say. My wife’s in Rome.
    I put the kettle on again, fetch an ashtray and pour another round.
    I don’t know that I should have any more, he says. I’m driving.
    You can take a taxi, I say. For once. Then you can pick up your car tomorrow. Underground to Ullevaal Stadium and over the footbridge. A doddle.
    OK, Roger says. Go on then.
    And the swag, I say. I suppose you spend it on drugs, do you?
    Now you disappoint me, Roger says. You’re tarring all burglars with the same brush. I don’t touch illegal substances. I’ve got a family like you. But I don’t have an unblemished record or education or anything else that might look convincing on a CV. Not only that, I’ve got a problem taking orders from others. There aren’t many jobs I can get and the ones I can get I often don’t want. But I try to steer clear of criminal elements. Which means there are not many opportunities left, apart from operating on your own. And I’m doing fine. I’m making ends meet. And by and large folk get their money back off the insurance.’
    It turns out that Roger is a great guy. He teaches me a bit about picking locks and gives me a handful of other tips about housebreaking. The more we talk and drink, the better I like him. The alcohol flows and we discover we have several mutual interests, especially as regards the open air life, forests and the countryside, and in the private confidences department Roger has been convinced for some time that he’ll get prostate cancer like his father, he says, and he’s not too keen on that, but recently he read that if you have 20-25 ejaculations a month that reduces the risk considerably. So he makes sure he has orgasms all over the place and he’s found out that he particularly likes squirting his sperm on things that are not designed to be squirted on. It could be anything actually, he says, books, journals, crockery, anything at all, and the best thing about it is that his partner goes along with it. Roger squirts all over the flat and she’s fine about it.
    As day breaks I ask him what he had his eye on in this house.
    You’ve got a Primare stereo set, he says.
    True, I say.
    Primare are good, he says. Swedish hi-fi at its best.
    And you’d been thinking of nicking the lot? I ask.
    I had, he says. The car’s parked around the corner and I’d been thinking of transporting it in two or three trips.
    Speakers as well?
    Yes, he says. Audiovektor are good kit, too. Danish quality. There are a lot of Scandinavian hi-fi products in this area. That means money. You can just imagine what it costs to produce that kind of quality in our part of the world with our wage levels. It’s obvious it’s going to be expensive. But it has to be good. For you people it’s not enough to listen to Bach or whatever the hell it is you listen to on equipment from Asia. That’s just not good enough. You want that bit extra. And that costs thousands.
    Which particular bit are you after? I ask.
    That would have to be the combined CD and DVD player, he says.
    Take it, I say. In a way I’ve ruined your night. You’ve lost earnings because of me. So you can just take it.
    No, he says. That’s too much. I don’t want to.
    Yes, you do, I say. Just take it. My wife listens to the radio a lot, so I’m a bit reluctant to part with that, and the radio