Free Just a Little Reminder by Tracie Puckett

seat.
    1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10….
    I leaned forward, dropped my head into my hands, and closed my eyes.
    I waited for the terrible visions to strike. I kept waiting for the memories to flash before my eyes, reminding me exactly why it’d been weeks since I’d found the nerve to stand under a hot stream of water.
    I listened as the water pelted the bottom of the shower stall, and I knew there was no way I’d ever find the courage to take that next step.
    I couldn’t believe how much courage you had, kid. And I don’t know… I just knew, and that was the defining moment. I knew I loved you.
    Courage.
    I scoffed and opened my eyes. Letting my stare drift toward the shower once again, I swallowed hard and stood up.
    How could Luke possibly think I had a single courageous bone in my body? Didn’t he know me at all? I was the most terrified person in the world; I’d never faced my fears by freewill. Never.
    I took a step forward, opened the shower door, and reached inside to turn off the water.
    I pulled my bags off the floor and left the bathroom, and the sinking feeling of defeat lingered in my stomach the whole way down the hallway and into the living room.
    I walked for the front door with every intention of not coming back—I couldn’t handle the added stress of not having a place to clean up—but a piece of paper taped above the handle stopped me in my tracks. I readjusted the bags on my shoulder before I reached forward and took the note in hand.
    Jules,
    Please lock up if you go out.
    –Luke
     
    He’d taped a small key to the bottom of his nine-word note. I pulled the key off, folded the piece of paper into a square, and tucked both inside my bag. Turning the lock on the doorknob before I let myself out, I pulled the door shut behind me and left Luke’s apartment.
    I considered returning to Grace and Lonnie’s house for only a few minutes—long enough to take a quick bath. But when I remembered just how put-off Lonnie had sounded the night before, I chose to consider other options.
    Considering the way our argument unfolded outside the dry-cleaners’, I knew better than to think that Kara would even consider opening her door if I showed up asking for a favor.
    And then I thought… well, I could always use Derek’s spare key to get into his house, but that idea seemed a little too desperate. I wasn’t really sure he’d be thrilled to learn—once he finally came back—that I’d so carelessly decided that I had some kind of right to break in and violate his personal space. 
    No, probably not such a great idea.
    So that left me with one option.
     
    “Hey,” Matt said, opening the door to let me in.
    The walk to Bruno’s had only taken about five minutes, and I was glad that someone had been there to let me inside. Matt, though, didn’t seem half as excited to see me as I was to see him.
    “Hey,” I said, shutting the door behind me as Matt stomped back to the living room. Still dressed in his pajamas and house slippers, my cousin looked as if he didn’t have the slightest bit of motivation to do anything for the rest of the day. His hair was mussed and unkempt, and the slightest bit of stubble shadowed the lower half of his face.
    Now, coming from the girl with a giant, swollen, purple eye, I knew I didn’t have much room to talk, but Matt looked like death.
    He threw himself back on the couch, kicked his feet up on a stack of pillows, and glued his eyes on the TV.
    “What are you doing here?” he asked, not tearing his eyes away from the screen. “Dad said you were staying with….”
    “No,” I said, readjusting the heavy bags on my shoulder. “She’s not really happy with me right now, so….”
    “Right,” he said, sounding the slightest bit apologetic. He kept looking at the screen, though I’m not sure he was actually watching it. It almost seemed as though he stared for the purpose of having something to look at.
    “Mattie,” I said, taking a step forward.