Free Beside the Sea by Veronique Olmi Page A

do what the others were doing, it wouldn’t be long, I was sure of it!
    I found the chip stall. Chips. Waffles and candyfloss . There was a queue. We waited. Kevin had that cheeky little expression on his face, and when he saw me looking at him he rubbed his tummy, he looked happy. Stan was looking at a tall bloke in front of us, standing there with his hands in his pockets and chewing gum, and every now and then he’d kiss his girlfriend. But he always went on chewing his gum afterwards. Stan looked amazed, but the girl seemed to be used to it, she didn’t find it funny.
    The truck was making a terrible noise, its battery working flat out, it was hard to hear the love song playing on the sound system, the song didn’t go with the lights, well, I didn’t think it did, because the lights were flashing away trying to be cheerful and the song was going on about this poor woman who desperately wanted to dance with some man, like she was a seventeen-year-old but apparently she was much older and the man wasn’t at all interested in her. I knew that song, I really liked it, they often played it on the radio. Take me dancing in the park, cheek to cheek in the dark… It was my turn, I ordered two paper cones of chips. I couldn’t care less if the man whinged about my coppers, It was one of the rides, I said, that’s what they gave me as change, didn’t they? They’ve done me proud, haven’t they? I involved him like that, on purpose, so he’d take the money and let me go. My kids were happy. Both of them at once.
    We set off again, going right and then left, in the crowd, with the children eating their chips, and so I didn’t lose them I held on to their hoods, like I’d dragged them out of a pool of water. We wandered aimlessly, there were people everywhere, the girls talking really loud, hanging on to each other or on to their boyfriends’ arms, but always holding someone, always noisy and excited. The stallholders talked into mikes, It’s starting now! Roll up! Roll up! And we’re off! And bells rang overhead for the slowcoaches. I wondered whether in the end these people were actually happy or just in a hurry. Everyone was rushing around and it was because of all this rush that a girl knocked into Kevin and made him drop his cone of chips. He started crying. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want tears here, I didn’t want anything to happen, just for us to walk about in all that racket that’s all. I couldn’t explain that to the poor kid because I didn’t feel like shouting to make myself heard, so I carried on walking, holding him by his hood.
    Stan had realized that the fair was for them, too, that they could join in, get excited, have a good shout, have their share of fun. He wanted to go on the dodgems. I said yes and paid. The cashier took the coins without really looking at them and gave me a token. The kids stood on the edge, enjoying themselves already, in anticipation. Kevin kept wiping his nose on his sleeve, but he looked relaxednow. I sat down on a wet bench a little way away, I’ll wait for you here, I said, and their enjoyment vanished, they insisted I watched them. Hurry up then, I said, the session’s over, and they rushed out towards the cars, incredible how children always want you to watch them.
    I don’t know how long it went on. The lights mingled with the sound system, becoming as depressing as the songs, you couldn’t see the rain but it was following us all, it felt at home, it wrote things too, but I couldn’t read them, the bells wouldn’t stop ringing, people were hurrying onto rides in every direction, where did all that money come from, everyone could afford everything, there was too much of everything everywhere, too much noise, too much rain, too many lights, all reeling past me and I didn’t know where I was any more.
    Every now and then the kids would come and take more money from me and head back, they always asked if I’d seen them, I didn’t answer. They headed