Free The Best of Down Goes Brown by Sean McIndoe Page A

although Americans often refer to it as “something to watch if there's no baseball, football, basketball, golf, NASCAR, poker, MMA, fishing, or bowling on TV.”
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    Soccer: “Injury time” refers to the additional playing time added to the end of each half at the discretion of the referee.
    Hockey: “Injury time” refers to lowering your head for a second when Raffi Torres is on the ice.
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    Soccer: Watching a game can be almost unbearable thanks to the vuvuzela , a South African noise-making horn that produces a horribly annoying noise that drones on nonstop for the entire game, leaving you fighting the urge to hurl the remote through your TV screen.
    Hockey: Pierre McGuire.
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    Soccer: The games can start as early as 7:30 a.m., due to differences in international time zones.
    Hockey: The games can start as early as 7:30 a.m., due to NBC not wanting to preempt any important infomercials or horse racing pre-game shows later that afternoon.
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    Soccer: In 1986, the “hand of God” sent Argentina into the World Cup semifinals at Mexico City.
    Hockey: In 1993, the “hand of God” sent Marty McSorley's eyeball into the fifteenth row at Maple Leaf Gardens.
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    Soccer: A player will occasionally be granted a “penalty kick,” presenting him with so much open net to shoot at that he's virtually guaranteed to score as long as he doesn't miss the net or hit the post.
    Hockey: The equivalent is known as “shooting against Roberto Luongo in the playoffs.”
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    Soccer: In an embarrassing display that any self-respecting sports fan would feel nauseated by, players will often react to even the slightest contact by pretending to be injured while rolling around pathetically on the grass.
    Hockey: Completely different. The game is played on ice instead of grass.
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    Soccer: Riot police must often use tear gas, armored vehicles, and water cannons to subdue reckless perpetrators of violence known as “hooligans.”
    Hockey: Riot police must often use tear gas, armored vehicles, and water cannons to subdue reckless perpetrators of violence known as “the Boston Bruins.”
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    Soccer: If you notice a player wearing a different jersey than his teammates, it's because he is the goalie.
    Hockey: If you notice a player wearing a different jersey than his teammates, it's because he arrived five minutes late and his team had already done another jersey redesign.
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    Soccer: When a game is played under standard rules but won't have any actual impact on the final standings or eventual champion, it is known as a “friendly.”
    Hockey: When a game is played under standard rules but won't have any actual impact on the final standings or eventual champion, it is known as a “Maple Leafs regular season game after mid-November.”

Chapter 22
Behind the Scenes at an NHL/NHLPA Collective Bargaining Session
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    Scene: Summer, 2012. A large boardroom in a New York hotel. It's a fancy room, with oak-paneled walls, cathedral-style windows, and an ornate rotating fan spinning overhead. A handwritten sign taped to the door reads: “NHL/NHLPA Super-Secret Bargaining Session.” On one side of the room sit various NHL players; on the other, several owners and team executives. Commissioner Gary Bettman and NHLPA head Donald Fehr share a podium at the front of the room.
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    Bettman : Can I have everyone's attention? I think it's time we get started.
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    Everyone settles into their seats and the room falls silent.
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    Bettman: OK, as we all know the current collective bargaining agreement is set to expire in September. Now, last time we had to negotiate a new CBA was back in 2004 and, it … uh … didn't go so well.
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    Grumbles in the audience.
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    Bettman: But that was then and this is now! And Donald and I both believe we can get a deal done if we can all get on the same page early.
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    Donald Fehr: I completely agree, Gary.