Free The Best of Down Goes Brown by Sean McIndoe

probably shouldn't have let Bill Belichick talk him into going for two.
Game four: Bruins 4, Canucks 0
    First period: Bruins' legend Bobby Orr takes part in the pre-game ceremony, fires up the crowd, and then ruins the good vibe by asking if there's any chance he could be traded to Colorado.
    Second period: The TD Gardens maintenance guy starts to worry that he really should have replaced the bulb in the goal light behind Luongo.
    Third period : Frustrated Bruins players learn that their advanced scouting report on Canucks backup goalie Cory Schneider simply says, “Try to get a penalty shot and make his groin disintegrate so Luongo has to go back in.”
Game five: Canucks 1, Bruins 0
    First period: While sitting in his living room enjoying the series on TV, Tomas Kaberle gets the nagging feeling that he was supposed to be somewhere this month.
    Second period: After demanding during a fiery intermission speech that the slumping Sedin brothers “look yourselves in the mirror” coach Alain Vigneault realizes that the dressing room doesn't actually have a mirror and the two brothers are just sitting across from each other staring creepily.
    Third period: Roberto Luongo points out that Maxim Lapierre could never have scored that winning goal against him, in the sense that they're teammates.
Game six: Bruins 5, Canucks 2
    First period: Bruins fans are widely criticized for mocking Mason Raymond as he lies on the ice with a fractured vertebra. But in fairness it's the first time they've accused an opponent of faking a broken back in, like, two months.
    Second period: As he sits on the bench, an embarrassed Luongo begins to realize that the start times listed for the road games in this series are probably in Eastern time.
    Third period: Bartenders in Boston start to wonder why customers keep trying to pay for drinks with bloody strips of green spandex.
Game seven: Bruins 4, Canucks 0
    First period: The Bruins score the opening goal, but after a brief discussion NHL officials decide that they might as well go ahead and play the rest of the game anyway.
    Second period: As the Bruins build an insurmountable lead, devastated Canuck players console themselves with the knowledge that at least they can still drive home in their luxury sports cars that they parked on the streets outside the arena.
    Third period: As the closing seconds tick down, Ryan Kesler thinks ahead to which winner-take-all championship game in Vancouver he'd like to lose next.

Chapter 21
Know Your Sports: The NHL vs. Soccer
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    Hockey fans typically experience severe withdrawal after the end of the NHL season. But this year, rather than sitting around all summer waiting on the occasional trade news and counting down the days to training camp, why not try something new?
    For example, hockey and soccer are at least somewhat similar. Both are popular around the world, both involve trying to score into an opponent's net, and both combine the brilliance of individual stars with the strategy of intricate team systems.
    But while hockey fans would no doubt appreciate the spectacle of the world's most popular sport, many don't understand it. Despite the similarities between the two sports there are also several differences, many of which are subtle and could prove confusing for novice fans.
    That's why I put a call out to my various international bureaus, and we put together this guide to help hockey fans follow the “beautiful game.”
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    Soccer: If you see a guy wearing flamboyant clothing who is struggling to communicate with you in English, he is likely a die-hard fan who has traveled from an exotic foreign land to attend the game.
    Hockey: If you see a guy wearing flamboyant clothing who is struggling to communicate with you in English, he is likely Don Cherry.
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    Soccer: The sport is commonly called “football,” although Americans often refer to it as “soccer.”
    Hockey: The sport is commonly called “hockey,”