Free aterovis_bleedinghearts.pm6 by Arlene Chance Page B

me?” I asked. My voice came out shaky and a little hoarse, as if I’d just woke up, which is kind of how I felt, too.
    “I- I - I’m sorry,” he said shakily, “I shouldn’t have.
    It’s just...I found that letter that you left on the couch last night when I was looking for you, the one from Seth.
    I know I shouldn’t have read it, but I did.”
    I had completely forgotten about the letter. What if Dad had found it? I was very glad that Asher had found it instead. Especially considering what had just happened.
    He continued, “When I read that you were gay...,” he stopped again and seemed to search for words, “Killian, I’ve had a crush on you for years. I’ve always known I was gay, but who was I going to tell? Zack? Jesse? No way! I finally got up enough nerve to come see you and I found that letter. When I read that you were gay, I had to find you. And then when I saw you outside in the rain like that, my heart broke for you. And for me too, maybe, cuz I thought that you must have been in love with Seth to be so upset. I was so jealous of him, Kill. I was afraid that he would steal you away from me. I want to be with you, Killian Travers Kendall. Seth said that you were at a crossroads. Last night you almost went down the wrong path. Let me help you, 72

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    please. I want to walk with you down whatever path you choose.”
    He seemed to run out of words and so he just sat there staring at me expectantly. I wasn’t sure what he expected, however. I wasn’t sure what I felt. I needed time to think.
    “Ash,” I began, speaking slowly and deliberately, “I need some time to figure stuff out. All I can tell you right now is that yes, I am gay. No, I didn’t love Seth.
    Not in that way at least. I didn’t even really know him, although I wanted to know him better.”
    “So you don’t want me?” Asher whispered.
    “Ash, I didn’t say that. I just meant...” I stopped as a large tear slipped out of the corner of his eye and rolled down his cheek. I followed its shiny path all the way to his chin, mesmerized by that small drop of saline.
    “It’s okay, Killian. I understand. Why would you want me? I’m just a dumb jock who treated you like dirt.” With that, he began to cry in earnest, not great body-shuddering sobs, just quiet acceptance. In a way, it was worse. I slowly slipped off the bed until I was sitting next to him on the floor. I reached out to him and drew him to me and let him cry quietly on my shoulder for a minute. Then I cupped my hand under his chin and lifted his face until he was looking me in the eye. I kissed him softly on the lips, just for a few seconds before breaking away.
    “Asher, right now I don’t know what I want. I like you. I do. It’s not that at all, it’s just...I don’t know how to explain it to you. I need more time. I mean, there’s a lot going on right now. Seth hasn’t even been buried yet.”
    Asher nodded and sat up, pulling gently away from me.“His memorial service is this afternoon you know,”
    he told me, wiping his tears on the back of his hand.
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    “He was buried already back up around Baltimore somewhere, but his dad wanted to have a service down here too.” He looked at his watch. “Actually, it’s in like one hour.”
    “I didn’t know,” I said softly, “I want to go. Can you take me?”
    “I dunno, Killian. Maybe that’s not such a good idea.
    I mean, everyone’s talking already cuz you were with him in the park and all.”
    “Please?” I begged him. “It would mean a lot to me.
    Kind of like a chance to say good-bye.”
    He stared at me, then nodded. “Yeah, I’ll take you.
    And I’ll stay with you too so I can bring you home afterwards. We’ll leave a note for your mom. Let’s get you changed. You can’t go dressed like that.”
    The next 45 minutes were spent with the two of us changing my clothes (it was a two-person job) and then swinging by Asher’s house while he changed his clothes.
    I sat in the car while he ran in, giving me a few precious minutes