Free Letters from Yelena by Guy Mankowski

now on Inessa and I would never disturb our father when he came home from work. My father was
too tired and overwhelmed to resist the decision, as Bruna had pounced during a window of vulnerability. But Inessa or I could not have possibly predicted where Bruna’s imagination would take
this new decree.
    Inessa and I always had to be in bed early, but Bruna started to enforce the rule that the minute she turned our lights off we had to be utterly silent so as to not disturb our father. ‘He
must close his eyes,’ she would bark, pointing a thick finger at the prostrate form of my father, dozing in the living room. ‘He must be allowed to close his eyes.’ Now I see in
that statement a hidden message that I was too young to understand.
    By then, Inessa and I were learning to adapt our playful, immature instincts to minimise the time we were punished for them. But two young girls, left alone in a room before they were tired,
were always going to make some noise. One night, around a week later, I was playfully throwing a pillow at Inessa, who’d started to giggle uncontrollably. It wasn’t even dark outside,
and my father wasn’t yet in his bedclothes. But the shout came through from the next room, ‘If I hear another sound from either of you, then you will both be sorry.’
    Strangely enough it was Inessa who took the order more seriously than I. She rolled back into the thin sheets and lay rigidly on her back, seemingly willing herself to not move an inch, let
alone make noise. But in my naïve state I was less disciplined. I didn’t honestly believe Bruna could punish us as she did in the mornings with my father just in the next room. At worst,
I thought, it might make the following morning slightly more unpleasant and I thought I had found a little opportunity to now needle her. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
    Making fun of Inessa’s sudden obedience, I threw another pillow at her head. It missed, and clattered over the bedside table. Inessa’s rigid stillness was suddenly disrupted as she
scrambled to quickly put it back into place. ‘Yelena,’ she hissed, with genuine disappointment resonating in her voice. It’s a sound I still remember.
    We didn’t hear Bruna coming. But suddenly the door to our bedroom was open and, striding inside, she slammed the door shut behind her. She brought out a long steel key that I hadn’t
known existed and, her eyes darting between the two of us, locked the door shut. I must have looked as if I might scream, Noah. Scream out for my father, scream out in apology. ‘Now would not
be the time to make any noise, Yelena,’ she said. And then, pronouncing each word slowly and carefully she repeated her strange statement. ‘He must be allowed to shut his
eyes.’
    She started to move over to Inessa.
    ‘No,’ I said. A sharp wave of her muscular arm swept me into silence. ‘Please Bruna – let me speak. I am so so sorry, but it wasn’t Inessa’s fault, it was
mine.’
    I instantly regretted the line of reasoning. Bruna sensed something in me, and looked over at Inessa’s bedside table. ‘It happened on Inessa’s side. She must learn to be
responsible.’
    ‘Bruna, please.’
    ‘Back on your bed, and turn around.’
    Wondering if I should risk shouting out for my father, but suddenly aware of the thickness of our walls, I tried to make my way back to my bed. I remember taking in the length of my arms, the
sheer heft of Bruna’s presence, and bitterly lamenting that I wasn’t stronger.
    ‘I said turn around,’ Bruna ordered.
    As I started to try to do so, I heard Inessa begin to whimper. Bruna’s attentions were no longer on me. She seized the pillow.
    ‘I have told you both, time and time again,’ she said, her voice lowered now, ‘to keep your stupid noises to yourself after dark. Your father must be allowed to shut his eyes,
if only for one second. I see I will have to make you remember.’
    ‘It was my fault – ’ I insisted, but my words