Free Still Surviving by A.M. Johnson Page B

in the cold. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.
    “I’ll see you tonight? Will you come by Blue?” I asked trying to cover my fear of rejection with a hint of indifference.
    “Most likely. Todd and Lily play tonight, right?” His voice was just as apathetic as mine.
    I brought my eyes back up to his. His jaw was strained into a hard line. “Yeah, they go on at ten.”
    “See ya then, Tiff.” His smile was forced as he turned to leave.
    “Seth?” I tried to mask the panic in my tone. He stopped his back to me. “Are we okay?”
    His head fell and he sighed softly. “Always Angel… I promise.”
    He didn’t turn to look at me when he spoke or before he left. He didn’t even say goodbye. But his statement spoke volumes. I’d promised, didn’t I? No matter what, we’d be friends. I guess that’s all he wanted for us. As much as it hurt to have him not want more, I’d just have to deal with it. Because I couldn’t settle for anything less. My heart needed him in any capacity. Whether he was my poison or my cure, I’d take it.
    My front door shut with a thud, and it was like the final barricade between us was set. I couldn’t compete for a man who made it impossible to win. Seth was just a friend, a great friend, a man who pulled me from my own personal hell, and a man who’d never let me pull him from his.
     

CHAPTER NINE
    Seth
     
    W ORK WAS A CLUSTER fuck. My class ran long because I was fifteen minutes late. It was an exam day so I had to allow for enough time for my students to finish their test, which made me an hour late for my other job. To make matters worse, my father wasn’t at work today because he was in Seattle obtaining a new account, so I was stuck running shit. I hated when he was away, his partner Brett Simmons was a hard ass and rode me all damn day. Not to mention, all I could think about was Tiffany. The smell of orchids polluted my brain and pissed me off. She made it clear this morning that we were only going to be friends. After last night, I thought things could maybe change, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
    The lack of interest in her voice when I asked her to come with me to get our cars made it very apparent where her head was. She confused me beyond anything I could fucking care to comprehend. I was thinking stupid shit. I was thinking about Tiffany in my bed, wanting to show her what it was like to be worshiped. Shit, like how our bodies were meant to be together, and how her tiny frame fit the mold of mine like a key to a lock. This morning, when I woke up with her cheek against my chest, the velvet touch of her fingertips against my stomach, I’d never felt so good… so… happy.
    I shook my head as I pulled into my driveway. This morning was the first time I ever wanted to actually be with a girl for more than one night. I had wanted the morning to continue. I had wanted to hold her hand in the cab again. Tiffany’s delicate fingers laced with mine, just as our legs had been when we woke up, would have been the perfect way to start our day, to start whatever it was between us. I hadn’t realized how much I needed her, wanted her to say yes this morning until she said no. When I asked her to ride back with me, and she said no, it was like a kick to the nuts. She’d spoken to me like I didn’t matter, and it felt as if someone had dumped cold water over my head. A fucking shock back to reality.
    Tiffany had always been too good for me, and I wouldn’t even know how to begin to make her happy. But I could be there for her, be a friend like I promised. Even if it killed me to be anything less than hers. I inhaled a sharp breath at the thought. I didn’t fucking belong to anybody but myself. I needed to get this girl out of my system. She was messing with me hardcore.
    Todd was home when I walked through the front door. “Hey, bro.” I gave him a short smile as I headed to my room.
    “Wait up a second, Seth,” Todd called from the