Free Remember The Moon by Abigail; Carter Page B

began more chest compressions and clamped an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth.
    “Damn him! Damn him!” my mother yelled behind them, held back by Estelle. “I told him not to go!” She bordered on hysteria. Estelle tried to steer her away, but my mom wiggled loose and kneeled on the dock just behind the paramedics, crying.
    “Help him for godssakes!”
    I wanted to go and comfort my mom, but I couldn’t move, rooted to the spot. Maya had her head tucked into Marcus’s chest and his arms were around her, comforting her. Later, after they took my dad away in the ambulance, after I sat with my mom in the sterile, submarine green hospital waiting room, after the doctor appeared, his jaw clenched, after I held my father’s grey cold hand, his gold wedding band the only color, after the long, silent drive back to the cabin, I sat on the end of the dock, amongst the debris left by the paramedics – a syringe, torn plastic wrappings, a latex glove. The moon disappeared as the horizon turned a muted salmon-pink. I kicked my legs gently in the water, their undulating form below the surface tinged a pasty grey-green. I willed my dad to swim up, grab my feet, and laugh hysterically at his hoax. Peering down, attempting to see farther than humanly possible, I saw a flash of something move in the depths. I kicked violently, marring the image, lashing out at the sinister lake. A crow, perched high in a pine tree, cawed loudly at me. Still dressed in my damp Levis and t-shirt, I slid into the water, my eyes open, my heart pounding loudly, its weight crushing, yet oddly comforting, I urged the darkness to deliver me to my dad. Limply, I floated to the surface and took a breath of air despite myself. The crow cawed again and flew away.
    My mother and I never went back to the Willis’s cottage after that day and I only saw Maya once afterward, at a game. I didn’t wave and she pretended not to notice me.
    The floor blackened and I was back in the intake room, the fountain burbling ferociously. Alice sat demurely, waiting.
    “That was rough. I had forgotten some of those details. I blamed myself for not being able to save him. I also hated Marcus for being there.”
    “Yes. And you were angry. ”
    “Very, yes.”
    “Do you think your father’s death was in any way related to your own?”
    “What? No! Why would you suggest that?”
    “Sometimes as humans we subconsciously create our actions. You realize that before you became Jay Cavor, you chose the elements of your lifetime as him? You chose who your parents were. You chose a life where you were unable to save your father from drowning.”
    “What?! That’s insane! Why would I choose something like that?”
    “In order to grow, Jay. You also chose to die the way you did, at the moment you did.”
    “Why would I choose to die in such a stupid way? Why would I choose to leave my wife and son alone?”
    “Part of what you went to the Earth realm to experience was compassion and a sense of self-worth.”
    “How has dying helped me learn that?”
    “Think about it, Jay. How have your feelings towards Maya changed since you died?”
    The floor trick had me back in Toronto on our wedding day at Casa Loma, where I now found myself dancing with Maya in the courtyard. Her auburn hair fell in loose curls around her shoulders, which were bare and soft. She appeared ethereal in her wedding dress, made of heavy satin with many tiny silken buttons that began between her shoulder blades, and created a sensual line across her bottom. I wanted more than anything to run my hand over them, over her. She whispered the words of the Nina Simone song in my ear. My baby don’t care for shows, my baby don’t care for clothes, my baby just cares... for... me...
    Our cheeks ached from smiling so much that day, and now as we danced alone in the courtyard, the wet stones of the old gothic stone mansion smelled fresh and damp, and the pollen from the canopied trees created a dusty yellow carpet